Q & A (January 2013)

Does the Eagle know what is in the pit
Or wilt thou go ask the Mole?
Can wisdom be put in a silver rod,
Or love in a golden bowl?  -  William Blake, The Book of Thel

As I explained in December, I’m going to start answering reader questions individually in short columns rather than saving them up for the ends of months.  However, December was so incredibly hectic for me that I let several of them stack up, and will answer them together today.  If you have a question of your own, please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.

My single adult daughter (age 26) has recently discussed becoming my mistress.  Though this taboo in our society, she is 100% consensual, high class and very attractive; she has needs that I can fulfill and I have needs that she can fulfill.  What do we look out for in order to make this work?

As you know, I firmly believe that what consenting adults do in private is nobody’s business but theirs.  Since you’ve asked my advice, however, I feel it isn’t out of place for me to tell you that I don’t think this is the best of ideas for either of you.  Even if the biological reasons for the taboo are removed by birth control, that won’t change the way other people (not to mention the “authorities”) feel; furthermore, how certain can you be that both of you can totally shed the social norms you’ve internalized?  If you were equals in the eyes of the law and society that wouldn’t matter; many relationships involve complex and conflicting emotions, and getting hurt by such relationships is simply part of the experience of living.  But despite what you may think, you are not equals under modern law; if the relationship were to be exposed you would be cast as the villain, all the more so if you’re supporting her in exchange for sex, and an ambitious prosecutor could turn that into prison time (especially while “sex trafficking” hysteria is still going full steam ahead).

What it all boils down to is this:  you can’t be sure exactly what is going on in your daughter’s head, and if she has a strong internal conflict about it (which wouldn’t be surprising), it might bubble to the surface at some future time (such as during a heated argument), resulting in disaster for you if she tells someone else about it.  Even if she regretted the confession five minutes later, neither of you could control the actions of the confidant…actions that might set a legal juggernaut in motion.  My advice to you is that you help your daughter financially until she can find an independent income or sugar daddy of her own, and satisfy your own needs with escorts or sugar babies to whom you are not related.  If you decide to go ahead with the incestuous relationship, though, please make a thorough study of the applicable laws in your country, state or province and city so that you’ll know exactly what the potential hazards might be, and tell absolutely no one else about the arrangement no matter how trustworthy you may think he is.

Is a relationship likely to fail if a man is attractive in many ways, but suffers from such severe Peyronie’s Syndrome that sex is painful for the woman?

I would imagine that severe Peyronie’s Syndrome would indeed make a sexual relationship extremely problematic, but there may be hope; recent studies suggests a better treatment is on the horizon.  Even if the procedure described there isn’t yet perfected, perhaps the gentleman you speak of could consult an andrologist to see what therapies are already available?

Is squirting real?

Squirting (so-called “female ejaculation” is real enough, but there’s still considerable controversy over exactly what it is and what causes it.  It’s usually associated with the so-called “G-spot”, whose nature is likewise controversial.

I’m an older American man and for a number of reasons, I have not had sexual relations in over 10 years.  I have become convinced that the best thing for me right now would be to hire hookers rather than finding a long-term partner, but I don’t have the income for an escort in the States and so it’s going to have to be budget prostitutes in Mexico.  However, in my past experiences with prostitutes I have never been able to get over the “business” aspect; I seem to be unable to function if the lady is not sexually turned on.  How can I get over feeling it’s all business with no sexual desire?

On the one hand, your budget precludes being very picky, but on the other hand you need a talented professional who can create the illusion of mutual desire.  Seeing randomly-selected ladies in a foreign country is just not going to do the trick, especially if there’s a language barrier.  My advice to you is to save up a little so as to afford a lady who lives in your city, has a reputation for being especially friendly and is willing to do short (half-hour) appointments.  If you get along well with her, keep seeing her exclusively (even if you can’t do it often) and eventually she may be willing to give you a lower “regular client” rate.  Don’t ask for it right away; most escorts have very sensitive bullshit detectors and asking for a regular rate before she actually perceives you as a regular is a good way to alienate her.  But once you do have a regular relationship with an escort, a genuine affection will probably develop between you and that will probably go a long way toward helping you to get over the feeling that it’s all business.

Do most sex workers enjoy sex with clients?  Can they have orgasms several times in a day?  And isn’t there such a thing as too much sex? 

Most of the time, we don’t enjoy the sex.  Besides the lack of intimacy (which is part of the enjoyment for most women) there is also the fact that we’re concentrating on making the client happy, and can’t really tell him to stop doing annoying or unpleasant things without hurting his feelings.  Most women are capable of multiple orgasms, either in rapid succession or spread out over a day, but while it’s certainly possible for an escort to orgasm with a client it isn’t the norm.  And of course too much sex, like too much of any physical activity, can be very tiring.

What do you think about verification services like Date Check and P411?

I think they’re fantastic for both parties; the only time they fail is in the rare instance when some idiot fails to stick to the plan, gets caught in a sting and then ransoms his worthless hide by giving the busybodies his login info so they can pop several girls before the service gets wise (I understand this actually happened to P411 once).  No system is perfect, especially when those trying to sabotage it are completely without moral scruples or basic human decency, but screening services can take a lot of the guesswork out.

What’s the solution to male sexual frustration beside prostitution or masturbation?

I assume from your question that you don’t have a regular partner and don’t foresee yourself getting one, that you can’t afford professionals, and that masturbation doesn’t relieve your frustration as well as you’d like.  If any of those assumptions are incorrect please let me know, because I suspect you wouldn’t ask unless those solutions weren’t working for you.  Most of the guys I’ve talked to about this say that the traditional “cures” (such as cold showers, a bland diet and meditation) are essentially useless, and though age and medical intervention are effective the former takes a very long time and the latter is both drastic and has side effects you would definitely not like (such as developing a feminine derrière).  So I’m afraid I’m going to have to “outsource” this to my male readers; guys, how have y’all coped with dry spells if self-service just isn’t working?