Hello,
- Out of the World Cup
- Walloped in the Cricket
- Allowed predatory paedophile TV Stars to sustain child abuse in plain view
- An incompetent Prime Minister stiffed by the Europeans
- An Establishment clique exposed in the Courts as contemptuous of The People
- A nation governed for the benefit of Bankers.
Even the Scottish may show them the finger!
Pity England…..
England gifted the world – Football, Rugby, Tennis, giggling, The Rule of Law, the tank top, Pleurisy, pleated skirts, sandwiches, Parliamentary Democracy, trapped wind, the concentration camp and poorly drawn international boundaries. Oh and Margaret Thatcher.
As Shakespeare wrote, “Tis, Twas, Aforesaid herewith are we not yet more than but could we be? Advance yonder light and rest upon my girded goatee.”
The nation is down in the dumps. What is the answer?
New games gifted to grateful foreigners – but fear not in another 100 or so years England will be crap at these too!
Hooray! Hooray!
SOME GAMES THE ENGLISH CAN GIVE TO THE WORLD! GRATIS! FREE!
1. Formation Immolation – Team arson has never been so much fun!
2. Pillow Dribble Staining - Dribbling and sleeping – the perfect combo!
3. Donkey Dangle - hang limply from a donkey without food, water or “natural break”. A sport that combines endurance, pointlessness and chafing in equal measure.
4. Pluckery – Competitors are blindfolded, nailed to a wheel and spun for 24 hours – they are then asked to come up with a cogent argument for the continued existence of Piers Morgan.
This is Level 1 of Pluckery - “The cruel and unusual test of pointless endurance”.
5. Gibber – A sport with a training regime like no other. Drinking, smoking, tottering, poor bladder control, teeth staining, sitting in pubs talking cobblers and eating greasy food of dubious quality on the way home, whilst talking more nonsense.
Every day. For decades.
“I think therefore I gibber.” D’escartes.
6. Octogenarian Bollock Drop and Roll Ball - You will be aghast at the stretchy tessies elderly gentlemen possess.
7. Bouncing Bards - Poets hop around a running track and recite poems written by local halfwits.
8. Sado-Masochist Balls - Teams of S & M types – line em up against a wall and rub them feverishly with sandpaper – ALL OVER.
9. Sausage Pocket – Throw a sausage – from distance – into a team mate’s pocket - The Javelin meets Lacrosse using a savoury meaty snack.
10. Nervous Team Titter – The game for those who react to pressure by giggling - a team of titterers seek to score “giggle goals” in a variety of embarrassing situations.
Come On Kate – Get Pregnant!
Sweet Jesus