Today I am three months into dealing with the aftermath of aMarriage BetrayalAnd what a ride it's been.
It's affected my physical and mental health so much
both kinds of doctor visits make up my weeks now.
I know it will take a village and so much time
to put myself back together.
But hopefully, just hopefullyI am getting more clarity and more healing about our situation.
Enough clarity and healingthat I can spend more time focusing on the silver linings and lessonsand less time overcome with the heart wrenching pain of Betrayal.
The best Silver Lining has been my husband and I realizing thatwe still passionately love each other.We had literally been asleep at the wheel of our marriagefor almost a decade.
The kind of asleepwhere a relationship is just taken for granted.andfalls not only down the list of life prioritiesbut almost all the way off.
Through weeks and weeks of real, honest and gut wrenching conversationsand marriage counselingwe have been able to begin to see how we got 'there'.Where we began to check out emotionallyrather than brave uncomfortable and honest conversations that needed to happen.
The fact that we can now talk honestly about anything and everythingis another silver lining.The fact that my husband now valuestalking about feelings and emotionshas been such a win out of this situation.
He and I have reprioritized our relationship to the top of our life list.
I finally feel a strong desire to move from the Surviving Betrayal Modeto the Thriving After Betrayal Mode.I am committed to finding all theSilver Liningsand Lessons To Be Learnedfrom this situation.
Lessons about he and I togetherand Lessons about each of us personally.
Digging deeper into who I really want to be
and
what I really want my life to look like.
I know the journey to real healing
will still be a very long one
but with strong intent and visionof where we want to go can be a strong and insightfultraveling partner on the road ahead.
I am highly invested in Self Care
even more sothese days.
From starting my mornings once again withCoffee, Candles and Gratitudebefore sunriseto Daily Pilates and nature hikes.
Working on my wardrobe
calms me
and
gives me something concrete
that I know I can control and totally effect.
And most importantly is giving myself a ton of Grace and Kindnesslike never before.
I still can't accomplish things the way I used toobut for the first time since I 'found out'I can begin to feel myself
ever so
slowly come back.
And hopefully it will be
a strongerdeepermore insightful and lovingversion of myself.
My darling daughter asked me last weekif I would rather have lived with the same marriage her Dad and I hadfor another 20 yearsorhave gone through what we haveand come out the other side with the passionate and committed marriage we have now.
I can say nowalmost 3 months into Picking Up The Pieces After A Marriage BetrayalI can say I would choose the change.But a month or two ago I didn't even know if I could survive the heartbreak.So time, love and the commitment from my husbandand
sincere love and intent on both our endshas me hopeful on the healingand thriving front.
That being said
the real truth
is also that some days
and
even moments
are so excruciatingly hard
I wouldn't wish a situation like this on my worst enemy.
Triggers that come out of no where
and
can have me feeling faint
and
fighting panic attacks.
In an instant
I can go back to the mind numbing pain
of this betrayal.
But as so many times in life
the situation now
is what it is.
So for me
my life choice must be
to fight hard to make the best of our situation
and
pick up the pieces with love and grace.
Working daily to become the very best version of myself.
To drown myself in life's beauty.
To focus madly on the good and dear in life.
To push the good moments deep into my heart
never to be forgotten.
All the while accepting the pain when it arises.
I can acknowledge the pain
feel it
but
I can alos teach myself not to live in it.
One of my favorite Fierce 50 Sisters and blogger
Anita By Designleft a comment on my Instagram
that truly touched my heart.Especially because Anita is walking throughan unbelievably hard life walk right nowwith her dear husband's cancer.She has handled her current life situationwith the utmost grace, courage and love
and
I am continuelly inspired by her.If you want to be learn more about the beautiful inside and out
you can go here to Anita By Design.
Her comment was
"Yes my sister.
There are lessons in the trials.
If we will humble ourselves and pay attention,God has beautiful treasures
along the road to recovery.
What some may perceive as
tragedycould very well be the event thatsaves a marriage."I am writing here todaynot just about Marriage Betrayalbut the bigger issue thatlife at one time or anotheris hard on us allso it is so important to learn todig deepwith courage and grace
as we move through life's trials.
One of my favorite quotes and advice right now
that really strikes a cord with me
is by Nora Ephron
"Above all
be the Heroine of your life
not the victim.
Surrounding yourself withstrong, big hearted womenis pretty darn good advice too.
As always my friends
Wishing you love and joyAs you style your life