Pelvic pain has many causes; endometriosis, menstruation, constipation, for me I am sure mine was caused by bladder infections that cropped up nonstop, because of my underactive bladder.
With all of the drama and head games swirling in my head I, at one time, I lost my identity. Was I a sexy wife or the worlds biggest looser? Anyone could get depressed feeling like a failure in the area of marital bliss.
Sometimes living is a choice to move past the pain and just try to engage in intimacy with your partner. Are we to completely give up a part of life that brings two people together so completely?
I understand that there are all kinds of discomfort rating from one to ten. I am not talking about the higher number here. I am talking about the day to day, never forget, always tugging, toothache feel, always nagging, does not cripple, but pelvic pain that does not go away.
I needed encouragement to just try intimacy. My husband was patient with me is this area and we were successful in not losing a very real part of our marriage.
I will say however that pelvic pain is rough and being honest with your partner is key.
Taken from Beyond Embarrassment: Reclaiming your life with neurogenic bladder and bowel
By JoAnne Lake with Julia Parker MS, MLIS
Intimacy, Page 54
Bladder infections were the bane of my existence, and I wanted to avoid them at all costs. So much medical advice stressed that people who got frequent bladder infections should urinate after intercourse to flush any bacteria out of the urogenital cavity. Well, what if I had to catheterize myself? How did that help? Would sex make things worse? I was too shy to discuss these issues with my doctor, something that would have ultimately made this transition much easier for me. I did not want to draw attention to my concerns regarding sex and my sexuality. Maybe, on some level, I hoped that, if I did not talk about my personal health issues, even with my husband, I would figure it out on my own, or they would just disappear. Of course, I did not, and they did not, either. So instead, for too long, I lived alone with my fears and questions. The thought of getting a bladder infection from having sex caused me to shut down. Instead of being pouty because of the rejection, my husband patiently - and I cannot emphasize enough how patiently pressed on. I was so afraid of getting sicker. I wanted to say, "I already gave at the office, so leave me alone." It was the worst sort of mind game. Fortunately, my husband and I could trust each other about this, too. Because of his loving nature and openness to my concerns, he helped me to express my fears and be honest about what I needed from him to be comfortable having sex. We discussed issues of hygiene that are so important when dealing with Neurogenic Bladder. We talked about how almost constant pelvic pain made it more difficult to find that sweet spot and how it might take longer to warm up. In addition, I realized that I needed to be careful about overthinking issues. If I allowed fear to control me, I might be alive, but I would not be living.