Day 12 of our 30 Day blog series, “Overcoming the Sorrow of Being Single”, features guest blogger and author, Nicole Doyley. Her words will help you find joy in dating and courtship.
Nicole Doyley
About a year before I met my husband, a visiting minister prayed over me and said, “God is going to clear the runway of your life of all the gliders so that there’s room for the 747.” Now, here’s the thing about gliders: they have no engine; they’re just carried by the wind. A 747, on the other hand, not only has an engine, but that engine has to be big enough to carry a lot of people 30,000 feet up in the air.
In this case, the engine represents the heart.
Up until then, the guys I dated liked me enough to ask me out, but then quickly changed. One day they called, the next they didn’t. One day they seemed super interested, the next indifferent. They were carried by the wind of emotion and lacked a heart conviction about our relationship. It was a recipe for insecurity, self-doubt and turmoil. And over the course of a year, God did exactly what He said. He cleared them away from my life. I became convinced that they were not right for me, and I no longer mourned the loss of their attention.
And then Marvin came along. Shortly after we met, he knew he wanted to marry me and his actions and attitudes were honorable, steadfast, and single minded. There were no double messages. I never wondered if he still liked me or questioned his motives. While we dated, I was secure, happy and grounded. And I still am.
When God awakens love in the heart of a man, that man sets his face like flint and pursues the woman he loves. He gives, waits, listens and learns. He does what it takes to get the girl. And if he’s a good man, this won’t change after the honeymoon. Most men relax the pursuit, but the love doesn’t diminish, rather it grows, matures and solidifies. Largess continues to mark the relationship and there is joy.
When mere emotion or physical attraction awakens “love,” the man shifts like the wind. He likes you; he doesn’t like you. You’re the one; you’re not the one. He has eyes only for you; his eyes wonder over every cute figure that passes by. And there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t be pretty enough, funny enough, spiritual enough or flexible enough. You’ll never be good enough. Nope, he’s just not that into you and the fruit in your life is misery.
This is what your friends see and sense while you’re still blindly hoping.
It doesn’t automatically make the guy a villain; he may have genuinely thought there were possibilities, but time proved differently and you both have to be willing to let go and move on.
You don’t want a relationship built on fickle emotion; you want one grounded on the rock of God breathed conviction. You don’t want to get aboard a glider, which can never carry you to great heights or bear the weight of life’s challenges and which will surely crash given a strong enough gale. You want a jumbo jet, which can climb above the storm and lead your family through the exigencies of life.
It is truly better to be single, and let God be your 747, then to be in a relationship with a glider, who may be cute and fun at first, but who will surely take you on a nauseating, unstable ride.
Ms. Doyley grew up in Brooklyn, New York, and then attended Dartmouth College, where she earned a BA in English. After graduation, she continued to live in New Hampshire, serving in full-time ministry for almost twenty years. In 2006, two weeks before her fortieth birthday, she married Marvin, her long-awaited Boaz. The couple now lives in Rochester, New York, with their two sons, Isaac and Benjamin. One of her greatest passions is to encourage single women to find their destiny, pursue it and wait for God’s BEST! Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/ruthscompany