I’m no fan of plastic. When looking for a house a non-negotiable with me was vinyl siding—nope. In our neighborhood several houses have plastic fences pretending to be wood. I dislike materials pretending to be something else. I was dead-set against such a thing, but our house came with a lot of neglected outdoor woodwork. The fence was wood and had been stained, probably just before we moved in. Then the carpenter bees arrived. Local pest control will spray for them, but they come back each summer and unless we have the pest store on speed-dial the bees will find new things to damage. See, the problem isn’t just the bees. Woodpeckers, which as a kid always seemed exotic to me, love carpenter bee larvae. I’ve watched a downy woodpecker hoping along the fence, knocking until it finds one, and then hopping a few feet further to repeat the process for another. (If you’ve ever watched a woodpecker at work you’d not doubt animal intelligence.)
My wife and I talked it over. The fence was in poor repair to begin with (another thing our house inspector missed). I finally came around to seeing why plastic might be the best solution in our case. Not for me, but for resale value. The former owners had a thing for untreated outdoor wood. They’d built a new back porch, but didn’t paint or stain it. When the carpenter bees noticed, I painted it. I couldn’t reach the ceiling, though, being short of stature. Well, this year the carpenter bees have gone for the ceiling. And the downy woodpeckers have followed them. Now, when I hear knocking, I have to run downstairs to the back door to frighten off downy. I will buy a paint sprayer to paint the ceiling, but the bees have had a head start this summer.
So I was in my office and I heard a tapping, as of a woodpecker gently rapping. I ran downstairs and threw wide the door. To my surprise, nobody was on the porch. I went back to work. Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. I followed my ears to the front door. Yes, the tapping was from out front but daylight there, nothing more. I stepped to the edge of the porch. More tapping. I leaned over the railing and looked down. A rare, and large, pileated woodpecker was going at the fence post. I was about as startled as she was. My wife was out on an errand and when she returned home she found selfsame woodpecker working elsewhere on the fence. I’ve learned my lesson. While wood looks nice, and is natural, it will soon be paper thin if we don’t do something. It’s a big fence. And the only option to paper is, unfortunately, plastic.