Yes, it is me. You may remember this look and feel with my banner and watermark.
Now, this is me!
When I wrote my goodbye I had every intention of not blogging for quite some time. My reasons were solid and I thought I got things right. Blogging was distracting me from all the other things I want to do. God was calling me on a different mission and it was time to part ways and venture off on that new unknown and perhaps scary path.
I almost immediately removed twitter and instagram from my phone to resist all temptation to check into those outlets. I changed some of my profiles to private and just hid in the comfort of my soul searching mission and I ran. And through running I kept stumbling upon stories I wanted to share and realized, oh yeah, I don't blog anymore. Hmmm..... I guess I will just tell my stories to close friends? It just didn't seem the same. I love to write. Do I write the stories just for me and hide my blog?
Then one day when I was listening to the Phil Sandoval Show something happened. I really don't remember the topic of the show or the week but I do remember he was asking artists and writers to call in with their two cents. He also was showing appreciation for their talents and thanking them for using them and it dawned on me. Writing is a part of me. Some have even gone as far to say I am good at it. Who knows how good I am at it but I do love to write. Many times if I am upset or frustrated my best form of communication, or at least sorting through my feelings, is writing. Ask my mom. She received many notes from me as a kid with my thoughts of what was unjust in the world. I can see darling daughter following in those footsteps. No, I haven't got any unjust notes yet but she is writing book after book after book. I really need to start a collection of her works and do a digital masterpiece to record them all in. You can only keep so much paper but once again, I digress.
This show got me thinking. Am I supposed to be writing? I put out a survey with some of the thoughts/questions I had and truly value all of the input I received. Thank you so much! If you still want to give me your two cents go right ahead. I will check responses and value your input.
But through this journey of not writing I realized, I got it wrong. I wasn't being called NOT to write but to let go of PRIDE. Yep, pride. That is a hard thing for me to stomach as my love language is words of affirmation. I really should fill you in on love languages one day but there are five and from my guess, words of affirmation is what makes me click. But when praying for the weaknesses in me to be revealed this came to the surface. OUCH! Too much pride little girl!
Yes, I love to hear the words well done. Who doesn't? And then I added that it is my love language so I "need" this but I don't. Really, I don't. I need to refocus on what I think I should get and let go of all of that. I need to let go of the numbers, the comments, the ratings, the opportunities missed, etc. and focus on what is really important. And that, my dear friend, is that last breath I take. Will I be happy with how I lived my life? Will I be able to say I did good and used my talents to the best of my ability? Will I be able to say I made a positive impact on the world and led a life I would be honored darling daughter would follow? Not once will I ask if my blog got enough followers or a post enough comments. I won't be thinking about twitter stats or facebook ratings. I will be thinking of the core of who I am. All that other stuff is fluff.
In the race of life we need people at every level. There are those in first place and those in last and tons in between. Each and every one of us is equally important. Yes, the guy or gal who comes in last is just as awesome as the guy or gal who comes in first. I honestly believe that. Always have, always will. It is time for me to step up to the plate and accept where my path in life is right now and this is where it is.
I will be blogging. I will not force myself to get x posts a week but when I write, trust me, it will be because it is a story I want to share. It may not get 100's of views but if it touches just one person, makes one person stop and think, then I can tell myself....well done. And sometimes that person may just be me!
Yes, I will blog about my faith but don't you stress. You do not need to be Catholic or even believe in God to follow along and participate. I love each and every one of you!
Have a delightful weekend!
Daily Gratitude: I am thankful I can admit it when I get things wrong.
Daily Bible Verse: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. ~ Proverbs 3:5