As you knowI am back going to meetingsAfter years of avoiding themAnd years of being in and out of the roomsMeetings are greatThere is something magical about gathering together with a group of like minded peopleAll striving for the same goalAll fighting for sobrietyThere are some people in the rooms with fantastic recoveryBut unfortunately there are also so done very unwell people there tooThe thing with NA or AA is that they are completely openAnyone can walk inSit downListen to others shareAnd even share themselvesSo there are people from every walk of lifePoor people Rich people People who are still using or drinkingPeople who want to get wellPeople who don't People who go to meetings just to get the courts or family off their backOf course there are people who are there to get wellBut some people do have a hidden agenda
It's not uncommon for people to swap phone numbers at meetingsIt's good to have a network of people who you can call when times are toughSo recently I have swapped numbers with quite a few peopleAnd thought nothing offI was a bit wary about giving my number to two men in particularBut they askedAnd I am too polite to say noBut boy am I sorry
These two men are at almost every meeting I go toAnd from what I can tellThey live in their own little worlds One of the men rings me quite a lotThe first few times I answeredBut have now stoppedAs when I am talking to himIt's very hard to get away from himAlthough I must admitSometimes he can be very niceLike the day he rang me up to let me know that 'someone cares'And last night he left a message on my voice mail telling me that he 'appreciates me being on the planet' And that I contribute to his lifeThat's all fine and dandyBut he can also be very inappropriateLike when he asked me about his girlfriendWho is 53 And thinks she might pregnant????Then asking me if it's common to want sex more when you are pregnant I mean that is just going too far in my opinionHe seems to have no clue that he is being really inappropriateThis guy is not wellFrom taking too many drugsHe is extremely paranoid And quite clingyHe's a nice guy and allBut he's someone that I don't really want to engage with a lotMaybe that's meanBut I have to look after myself And my sobrietyI know that he has upset a lot of members of AAAnd a lot of people don't have any time for him So I guess if I stop answering his callsHe will stop ringing me
The other guy who I gave my number too is also a grad the ball At firstHe was sending me innocent textsJust asking how I am and suchI answered But did not get in to a conversation with himThen a couple of days agoHe texted me to say that he was full of guilt and shame after lusting after womenAnd went on to talk about Internet porn and the likeThis is the same guy who accosted me at my first meeting And described how he couldn't stop master bating I mean hello?How inappropriate and creepy is that?Very if you ask me
They say at meetingsThat you should stick with the winnersIn other words stay around the people who are wellAnd who have good recovery That makes senseAnd I do engage with these peopleBut others who are not recovery orientated are hard to avoidAnd me being meI find it really difficult to be assertive
I was speaking to Breda about this on TuesdayShe gave me some advice on how to deal with these peopleAnd also made the point that I have a warm personality And others might think I am an easy target And take advantage of meThis also makes sense to meIf I had any sort of a backboneI would have told these guys that their behavior was out of order And so inappropriate But I just don't have the confidence to do that Although I'm going to have to set these guys straight And make clear boundariesBecause right now people are walking all over meAnd I don't like it
I guess this is something that I can practiseAnd as my self esteem grows Do will my confidence And belief in myself
I was wondering about youAre you confident, assertive and able to stand up for yourself?What do you think I should do about this situation?