So recently I had a ‘last date’ with this guy I’ve been seeing. Relax, he didn’t die or anything (thank God!). It was our last date because I was leaving the city.
Before I tell you how our last date went, let me first tell you that he’s the same guy whose text I was waiting for. He’s also the same guy who made me realize I may want more. And the same guy I was holding back from.
Looking back at these posts, there seems to be a pattern in terms of my thought & behavior. I get insecure around him, perhaps because he’s quite secure with himself and seems to ‘have it all’. Or maybe it’s because he doesn’t get in touch with me as much as other men have (or as much as I’d like him to). Or because he’s the first nice & sane guy I’ve met in a long while. Or it could be that I actually like this guy (more than I’d like to admit). Well, I guess it’s all of the above.
Anyway, being insecure around a guy you like –> SUCKS. In case you haven’t experienced it, let me paint you a picture of what it’s like:
Every time he sends you a text, you spend hours decoding it with your girlfriends (picture a scene from CSI or House). And when he hasn’t texted, you spend hours wondering why (most of the time you automatically assume he’s with another girl).
When he asks you out, you’re excited but also wonder if it’s because the other girls on his list aren’t available. You then start panicking over the fact that you’ve been pigging out lately and now have nothing to wear. You finally pick your best dress after trying about a kazillion outfits, and manage to convince yourself that you look pretty.
When you do meet him, he’s even more attractive than you remember, and you forget how to speak English for a few minutes! You also now feel like the ugliest thing on earth and regret wearing that horrendous dress.
When you’re hanging out, you’re constantly analyzing everything he says to figure out if there’s a deeper meaning (OMG he just told me what he wants his daughter to be named. Does that mean he wants me to be the mom? OMG!)
And constantly worried that you’ll say the wrong thing so you stick to safe topics like animals and food (after all, who doesn’t love talking about dogs and tofu!)
So that pretty much sums up most of our dates. Not to say we didn’t enjoy ourselves, I mean, we did have good laughs. But there was always this fear at the back of my head that prevented me from really enjoying it. Fear of doing or saying something that will turn him off. Fear that he wouldn’t call me again. Simply put, fear of being rejected.
Our last date, though, turned out to be the best date we’ve had.
Why?
Because, for the first time, I didn’t have any fears or insecurities in my head. I guess it’s because I was leaving, so I didn’t really care how the date went. I was able to just relax and be myself, without worrying about what he said or what I said. We ended up talking for hours about all kinds of things – real things – not just dogs & tofu! I genuinely had a great time and I know he felt the same way.
It made me realize that in dating, you can never have a fulfilling experience if you spend your time worrying and over-analyzing. The same way you can never enjoy fries if you keep worrying about the calories while you’re eating them. So, ladies, get out there and be ‘fearless’ (as Taylor Swift puts it).