I have never been formally diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorderBut I expect that I have a mild form of itEver since I was a child I've displayed many of the characteristics of OCDHere are some of them
My things have to be a certain wayFor exampleOn the coffee table in our living roomI have a section of it that is for my stuffI have my notebooks that I am usingPiled from large to smallI have the AA directory So I can check where the nearest meeting is on any given dayI have my two pensOne black One purple I have a nail cleaner type thing (Technical term)I have a nail scissorsMy glasses And the tv remote which we call the 'clicker'All of these things are poised in a certain way so they form a rectangleI get just a little bit anxious and annoyed when people move said items
When I am sitting on the sofa in my living roomThings also have to be a certain wayThe throw over the sofa has to be positioned just soAs do the cushionsAnd the other clicker is place on my leg when I am lying downAm I nearing a diagnosis yet?
Another symptomWhen I am watching the tv The volume has to be on an even numberNumbers are a big thingEven numbers are generally goodAnd odd ones are not so much bad as just not as acceptable or good as even onesI can't even explain this oneIt is what it is
Then there are the OCD traits linked to my EDAll my cups, glasses, plates,bowls and cutlery are carefully selected The cups I use I have many of themAnd use one per dayThe only glasses I use are pint glassesDo I can keep track of quantity throughout the dayPlus I drink a lot when I eat because it helps if I am going to purge I have certain plates and bowls that I useThey are of a certain size and shapeAnd cutleryI have a set of cutlery that I useAnd nothing else will do!Why?I have no earthly clue
Then there is the food itselfI have a ritual with the way I eat foodI keep my pint glass to the left of my plateThe salt to the rightBecause I literally cover my food with saltAnd eat in a ritualistic way
Numbers feature a lot in my possible OCDWeighing is another ritualI might weigh once a dayOr I might weigh ten times a dayBut every time is the sameI use the bathroomI lock my bedroom doorPlace the scale on the wooden floor Strip And I mean everything comes offSocksUndiesEverything I tap the scale to set it to zeroHold my breathAnd step onThere are always rules around numbersAcceptable numbersUnacceptable numbersSafe numbers Unsafe numbers It's all a game
OCD also appears when I am walking my dogs I do a beach and cliff walk every morningThere are various different paths I useBut all the while I am walkingI'm not enjoying the splendid sceneryThe oceanThe birdsOh noAll the while I am walkingI am trying to avoid the cracks in the groundJumpingHoppingSwerving And leaping All so I won't stand on a crackI mean What exactly is going to happen if I do stand on a crack?Absolutely nothing I suspectBut yet I continue to hop-scotch my walks
The other behavior I have ritualistic tendancies around is purgingAgain I have a routineAfter I eat the foodI walk calmly to the bathroomWalking through the living room so people don't know I am going to the bathroomI lock the doorTie my hair backPush up my sleevesLift the toilet seat Bend over the toiletAnd purgeAfterwardsI flush the toilet Go to the sinkRinse my hands and mouth Then go back to the toiletClean anything that needs itPlace the lid back down Wash my hands again Fix my hair And anything else that needs fixingUnlock the doorAnd rejoin whoever I happen to be withI erase said purging from my mindIt's like it never happened
I'm sure there are other OCD related behaviours But these are the ones that appear daily
I was wondering about youDo you have any OCD tendancies?What are they?