I had hoped to wait for a better time to write such a letter - a much less emotional time . I had hoped that by the time that particular time had come I would have the words to say, the words to accurately describe how I felt. Unfortunately, what you have before you is a girl at her computer wanting to share what she feels, and words that she no longer knows how to use. I am not well. Eloquence fails me; I had hoped to find a better way to say it. “I am ill” sounds too much like Dickens. “I’m sick” sounds too much like a five year old clutching her blanket. After visits to the doctor, several tests coming back negative, being told that “on paper” I am in perfect health, I am also scared. I find myself crying nearly every day. My emotions seem to be held in some unseen balance, and I do not know how - or what - tips the scale. I lay awake at night wondering if that money I saved for France was saved in vain, if I have waited and saved for too long, and if I ever really will make it. Last night I finally admitted to myself that I want to sleep - sleep as long as I can. Sleep without waking. I feel so completely alone, which logically I know isn’t true. I have loved ones all around me. I know I am loved. Some of my greatest pleasures- blogging and work, no longer hold any interest for me. Nothing does. If I could stay at home in my onesie, wrapped under the covers and never come up for air, I would. I’m so tired. So very tired. France, friends, and everything that once made me smile now seem so far away. I do have a few videos that I still have yet to share with you. I’ll be posting them over the next week. I will try to share new material when I can, but my posting will probably not be as regular as it has in the past. Much love.