My Wife Want’s Me Back But I Love My Girlfriend.
My wife wants me back, but i love my girlfriend. I feel guilty leaving the kids….
I was involved in a fatal police shooting. My wife wasn’t supportive. I had an affair. This woman I was with saw me through some hard times and loves me. My wife has come around and realized that she wasn’t there for me and wants me back. If we didn’t have children I wouldn’t think about going back. I have 2 boys under six years old and I feel guilty for taking the family structure away from them. I love this other woman, but the guilt of leaving my boys is killing me and destroying my relationship with the other woman. I’m in therapy.. HELP
Adverse Effects of Divorce on Children. Published by Total Divorce
My Advice:
First of all, I am so sorry about what happened to you. It is beyond sick and disturbing that your wife didn’t help you. It is no excuse to have an affair, but it is damn near close to justifiable. Whether you love the girlfriend doesn’t matter. What matters is the fact that you aren’t in love with your wife anymore because of what she did. You will probably always love her as the mother of your children. The point is, that your not in love with her for many reasons in addition to her ill treatment. She doesn’t now see the error of her ways! She is not a moron and saw the bull shit she was feeding to you everyday. Your wife now also sees that she is up shit’s creek without a paddle and is trying to do some weakly structured damage control.
But the bottom line is your not in love with your wife.
If you are not happy. Your kids are not happy. Period. Kids can sense hostility between you and your wife. Children don’t feel safe and secure in environments where their is so much damage. It is going to be hard, but your kids will benefit from the separation. Your wife sounds pretty horrible, but hopefully she isn’t evil enough to fight you about the custody issue. Get a good lawyer, or good legal advice and get out. She came back because she knows what she did was horrible, and she probably knows another guy wouldn’t put up with her crap. Your cheating on her just made this shitty situation into a shit storm.
If you want your wife to be happy in the future that doesn’t equal you in it.
Your wife does not want to be with someone who doesn’t love her. I’m sure your wife would be much happier in the long run if you guys called it quits also. If you get back together she will probably always through the affair and the drinking issue in your face. Make a clean break. In the end, you will be happy, your wife will be happy, and your boys will happy. Don’t let your boys grow up in an unhappy household. Sometimes the best family structure should be based on happiness, rather than mom and dad in one household.
P.S I think it is great that your in therapy, your wife should be in therapy too. Life is short, your boys are never going to stop loving you. If your worried your wife is going to tell them bad things about you, don’t. If she does that your boys will resent her when they get older.
The Other Woman.
You should not even counter her into this equation. Whether or not you end up with her or not, has nothing to do with what is going on. Your wife chose along time ago to break up the family, and then you followed suit in a big way. You need to keep going to counseling to show your boys later on, that at least you tried at the end to see if that “love,” came back enough to begin the long process of trying to pull you two towards a new beginning. Do I think the counseling will make you stop being in love with this woman? Not so sure. If this other woman sticks around to play back and forth bull shit with you too much longer she has some unhealthy issues that she needs to address. Your wife also needs to be in counseling herself and tell you why she did this.
You both are equally to blame.
Your just as wrong as she is because what you did only gave her an excuse to hang over your head forever. You should have left your wife when she stopped being your wife if she refused to get help. You should leave your wife now. You should realize as well, that since your boys will be happier with you and your wife living separate due to the circumstances (most likely) that if you really loved his thing she would be enough for you to see what life can be like with the person you love the most. You don’t love her enough. Please don’t stay with your wife for so many reasons and now because your not only in love with someone else but your toxic relationship keeps piling on events and is only going to get more chaotic.
Get it together. It’s time to get in gear. This needs to be the time to make big decisions. Give the therapy X amount of time, and remember at least the therapy will hopefully you and your wife some tools to become stable co-parents if anything. No time for guilt only progress. Action only.