Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith
Stars: John Cusack, Thomas Jane, lots of Australian actors.
Peter (Jane) is a retired racecar driver who works part-time as a driving instructor, having given up the speedster lifestyle at the behest of his wife. Simon (Cusack) hires Peter for some lessons, promptly robs a bank, and forces Peter to be his getaway driver. Pursued by mercenaries, corrupt cops, and normal cops, these two form a strange friendship that takes them down the Gold Coast of Australia.
So after two incredible films we come to this dud. Drive Hard. Oh boy. The only thing hard about this movie is having to sit through it. I hope you’re thanking me readers, because it’s for you I do this! Under no circumstances EVER watch this movie. Just don’t do it. Not even out of idle curiosity. You like John Cusack? So do I. You were a fan of The Punisher? Yeah, I quite liked it too and thought it had a bad rap. Surely at least these two would have fun in this movie. I mean, even in bad films Nicolas Cage is watchable, right?
I can’t actually believe people spent $12 million making this movie. I mean, some movies might be bad but at least you can see somewhere someone was trying to make a good movie. Here it feels like no-one is trying. Jane is I guess supposed to be an affable everyman but he comes off as a bit of a dolt. Cusack is likeable I suppose but he just seems bored. The rest of the cast are horrid. I mean, really, truly, awful actors. I could have done better with sock puppets.
The action is lifeless. The humor is non-existent. The plot is far too convoluted for its own good. Characters we’re supposed to care about are unsympathetic. I guess it’s nice to see some Australian landscapes but I could go on Google maps to do that. There’s just nothing to redeem this film at all. It’s complete trash. I’m sitting here shaking my head wondering why. WHY. Why was this made? It infuriates me, it really does. And someone actually wrote this. Seriously. Give me some money I’ll write you a better script. It’s not even the kind of bad where you can make fun of it while watching it, it’s just pathetically bad. I felt sorry for the people involved in this and it’s a pretty big fall for Jane & Cusack.
Shame on you people who made this movie, shame on you.