I finally got my police clearance and finished my application process. Upon entering in the final information, I got an email from my coordinator with a link to the online journal. I was so excited because I have been wanting to read about some experiences of people who've gone to Rwanda. As I read about stories of people getting sick, bus rides, etc, and the reality of what I'm doing started to hit me.
I know that this is going to be a life changing experience but I realize that it's going to be very hard. One of the entries talked about how the babies in the orphanage just hang on you because they need attention. They want love and affection and they will follow you around. Another entry was about the "mothers" disciplining the children and it sounded harsh! I'm not there to judge and I'm not going to be there for any amount of time to change, so I am going to have to keep an open mind and an open heart. I love kids, and I think I'm pretty good with them. Newborn babies, not so much, but 2 and above, I get better. But the idea that these little babies are going to be attention starved sounds rewarding but draining. In reality, I know that I'm going to have to give a whole lot of love and a lot of effort and time and I think it's going to be very demanding. It's not going to be super comfortable considering there's no hot water, and sometimes we might have to take bucket showers. I'm nervous about the food simply because I don't want to get sick. I have an iron stomach when it comes to eating food (well, home made foods - greasy restaurant food will tear me up) but I mean, if I eat some kind of funky bacteria, there's not much I can do.
So - this is going to be a time where I just have to pray. I think I'm going to be asking God for lots of help with this because it's beyond me. It seems like it's beyond my capabilities anyways. I'm going to have to be open and let my guard down which is an uncomfortable place for me. Maybe the time I spend here is going to be less about me helping people and more about them helping me. What I mean is that, maybe this is going to the scenario that finally forces me to let go of my fears, break down my walls, and completely put my faith in God.