Usual rituals
Doctor
Chemist
Walk my dogs
Come home and sleep the day away
It's funny how I get such comfort from ritual and routine
Knowing that things are the same
That this is what happens
Knowing it's predictable
It's less anxiety provoking
It's safe
Little things throw me
Running in to someone in the street
An unexpected knock at the door
Any change to my routine makes me feel anxious and scared
But it's next to impossible to avoid unpredictabilty
Life is unpredictable
Things don't always go the way you planned
Why is that not ok with me?
Today was slightly different as it will be my last Monday morning ritual for a while
If everything goes to plan I will be in treatment by the weekend
My doctor doesn't seen to enthused that I am going in
I suppose he's thinking that we've been here before and nothing changed
He increased my meds as he could see that I was quite anxious
Now I have 8 days meds when I only need 4
I didn't say anything
I wanted the extra meds
Bad Ruby, very bad!
This week there is a lot to do
Getting packed
I probably have way too much stuff but I live 3 hours away for the hospital so I need to prepare for every eventuality
Some motivational reading
An apple a day by Emma Woolf (Virginia Woolf's great grandniece)
And Gaining, The truth about life after eating disorders
Not forgetting Ted
I will have no doggies to cuddle so this is the next best thing
My favorite cup that I bring every time I go in to treatment because a lot of time is spent having a cuppa and a smoke (Anything can be resolved over a cuppa and a smoke
Not forgetting my favorite notebook
I may even take up knitting!
This week I will be spending a lot of time with my best girls, I can't tell you how much I am going to miss them
Sorting out my meds
Reading and signing my contracts (Including weight restoration aaaaagghhh!!)
And you can bet your ass I will drinking copious amounts of tea and chain smoking
I'm worried about going in
I'm worried about fitting in with the other patients
I'm worried about being judged
About gaining weight
About not gaining weight and being discharged
So many things
But if I thought too much about these things I would never go
I was wondering about you
Have you been to treatment?
Do you have any words wisdom?
Any advice greatly appreciated