As usualI saw my doctor this morningMy usual oneHaving not seen him in a few weeksIt was nice to see himHe asked about my infected lipBut it looks and feels a whole lot better now that I've given it some TLCHe asked how I was getting onIt was nice to be able to say that things are going wellMeetings Appointments The horses Life in general is good I asked him if he had read the piece I gave him a few weeks agoHe said he had read it at the weekend He was 'very impressed'And said it was 'very good'He asked me where 'She' is nowShe being the illnessI said that she was on the peripheryOn the way out He then asked if I had made friends with herI said I'd made peace of a kind with herWhich I guess I'm in the process of doing this
To be honest This far Writing this post has been really difficult I guess I am bored writing about myself I am really not that important I have so many things on my mindMy parents health being one of themAs you know I am the youngest in my family My Dad is 69And my Mum is 66Over the last couple of yearsMy fathers hands have been rapidly deteriorating He has lost pretty much all of the strength and dexterity To the point that his hands are basically crippledHe struggles with every day things Buttoning his shirtOpening jars and containersWriting You can see where the muscle has wasted away And there are some things that he finds impossible to do He is here at the moment for a few days Thankfully he can still drive But who knows for how Much longerHe went to the doctor recently Who made an appointment with a consultant in DublinWho he is seeing in MayBut realistically I don't know what they can do to help himIt's a worry A big worry It's like he is reverting back to being a child It's scary And I feel for my father He lives aloneSo I'm sure he struggles with day to day things all the time Then there is my mother There are a couple of issues there For as long as I can rememberMy mother has had a wonky toeI think the medical term is a hammer ToeWhere the big toe Instead of growing straight Kind of grows across the other toesWe've always teased mom about this It was always something that we laughed aboutBut recently Mum has been getting pain in her toe, foot and up her leg So she also had to go to the doctor Who also referred her to a specialist in Dublin The toe can be treated They break it and straighten itAnd to be honest it sounds pretty horrificAlso mom will be off her feet for six weeks So she is trying to put off the treatment But It will only get worse if she leaves itMy big toe is actually going the same way So I guess it's all ahead of meAlso Recently my mom had a bone scan And it turns out that her bones are softWhich means they are liable to breakAnd increases her risk of osteoporosis Again It's a worry And a stark reminder that my parents are not getting any younger And that instead of them taking care of meIn the future I will be looking after them I have no problem with that I would only be too happy to take care of them after everything they have done for meBut that doesn't make it any easier I can't imagine life without my mumShe is the sun that our family orbits around Where ever she is That is home I can see our whole family fracturing when she is no longer around Anyway I am jumping ahead of myself But it's something that I have to think about And have to be prepared for
It's all a reminder that life is fleeting And really and trulyWe don't get long on this earthIt's up to us to make the most of it To live hardLove harder Do and say everything we want to Fulfill our bucket listsIt reminds me that life is short And I don't want to waste it starving myself Bingeing and purging Standing on scales Measuring my worth in pounds and ounces It's ironic really We only begin to appreciate our youth as we get older I've missed out on 15 years of life Between my addiction and ED I'm not prepared to miss out on one seconds more With all that said I was wondering about you Are your parents elderly? How are they coping?How are you coping?Maybe one of your parents have died How did you cope with that?How did your life change?I know it's a difficult subjectYour thoughts and words are appreciated