Mission Impossible: Cleaning Up Someone Else’s Mess

Sometimes when we date people, we unwillingly become involved in their messy situations. We have to deal with their emotional problems, their family drama, and sometimes the ex who won’t let go. We begin what I like to call a Mission Impossible task of cleaning up someone else’s mess. . Deep down on the inside we know that these situations can be tricky. It requires leaping tall buildings while handling explosives. We know damn well that we don’t want to deal with it because it’s not our problem. But we get in our feelings and embark on a mission to help them anyway we can. It becomes mission impossible, but we’re convinced that we can help someone clean up their mess.

Emotional Unavailability/Fear of Commitment

You date someone for months, they said all the right things, did all the right things, they may have even told you they love you and then you find yourself wondering why there’s no commitment and that’s when you hear those dreadful words “I’m not ready for a committed relationship” and now you feel like you wasted your time, energy, emotions, and you may even feel like something is wrong with you. I tell my friends all the time people will mess you up, but it’s up to you to learn how to get over it. If the person you dating can’t get over the past, it’s pretty much hopeless like penny with a hole in it. You can have I Love You (Insert Name) sky written all over the damn city and it still won’t make any difference.

Solution: Move On! There is NO solution; first and foremost it’s not you! So don’t waste your time thinking it is. If a person has a fear of commitment they’re not good for you or anybody else. You cannot clean up someone’s emotional problems. No matter how much we try to get him/her to open up emotionally, it fails miserably. We can’t clean up someone’s emotional issues. Put your Nike’s on and run away. FAST!

Family Drama

Have you ever dated someone, met their family, and realized you’re in an episode of “All my Children”? The parents don’t appear to be to sociable. The sister rolling her eyes while looking at you up and down. The brother looking at you like you’re hot sex on a platter and Uncle Charlie in the corner drunk as hell singing golden oldies while struggling to stand up straight. They’re talking shit about you and your mate in front of your face and you notice that your mate refuses to say a damn thing because it’s his or her family. Family can make or break a relationship sometimes! I dated a guy years ago whose momma constantly called me and asked me was I looking out for her grown ass son. I cursed that lady out so many times in my mind!

Solution: It depends on one factor, how close does the family live? If they live out of state you might can chalk it up and give it try. If they’re in state, then you have one hell of a battle. Everybody wants someone who will stand up for them, if your partner allows their family to talk shit about you and you know you’re a good person…keep it moving.

Financial Messes

Let’s take a look at some financial messes that some have bad credit, a mountain of debt, child support, judgments, and repossession. You can’t get an apartment together or anything else.

Solution: The last thing anyone needs is to have their good name and credit status ruined by someone who don’t give a shit about there’s. There’s a difference between someone who fell on hard times and someone who doesn’t care. So when someone appears to have SEVERE financial problems rethink how involved you may want to be with this person. Most of us are not rich and work hard; who needs the added stress of trying to support a grown ass person.

The Ex

You’re dating someone and the ex won’t seem to leave them alone. The calls, the texts, the friend request, and the e-mails keep coming. You feel like opening a can of whoop ass because you figure he or she is an ex for a reason.

Solution: You need to check your partner because if you want someone out your life you can make it happen. The only way a person should be that involved with an ex is because there’s some unfinished business, your partner still has feelings for this person, or a child is involved. If you’ve been together a few months and they were together for some years. You can hang it up. You can’t compete with history, it sucks, but it’s the truth. A person is more likely to get back with someone their completely comfortable with if given the opportunity. You cannot make someone stop talking to an ex if they don’t want to. You can’t wash the ex away and you can’t bleach the ex with high hopes that he or she will deteriorate.

People have to clean up their own mess. I don’t care how much you love someone you cannot step in with disinfectant and wipe away someone’s issues. People have to do the work to clean up their own shit. The wonderful thing about dating is after you tell someone to kick rocks. You have a few glasses of wine and you realize that it teaches you about the qualities that you don’t want. We should only worry about cleaning up our own messes! After all, it is only your mission should you choose to accept it…DON’T.

Have you ever dated anyone and found that they had issues that you would possibly have to deal with?