When an eating disorder first develops many carers assume that it is just a case of feed ‘em, medicate ‘em and they will get better. That the only thing they will have to deal with is the eating disorder itself.
I wish. I have lost count of the carers/parents I have met that think this. That when further developments happen they are shocked, floored and hurt. I was one too. The eating disorder is hard enough on it’s own, but when other things develop it becomes a war on several fronts. I remember being totally floored when Sophie purged and self-harmed during early recovery.
Pretty much most of the other developments (comorbidity) are really outcomes of the eating disorder, either directly or indirectly. They are not symptoms of the initial ED diagnosis. The list below looks scary, but often the behaviours do settle down and don’t become habitual. However for some, they do get addictive to the behavior and it becomes a beast in itself, taking just as much effort and years to get rid of.
- depression
- OCD
- different personality
- extreme exercise (when not a part of the original ED)
- BDD
- purging (when not a part of the original ED)
- self-harm
- alcohol, drugs addiction
- sex addiction
- becoming goth or emo
- addictive behaviours (like shopping, collecting)
- addiction to dark, very emotional music
Added to this is the loss of the person you once knew. Parents struggle with the knowledge they once had a clean-cut, academic, well-mannered child, with plans for the future. The one they now see may barely wash, dress in something that is baggy, goth, or unclean, can’t cope with school or work, doesn’t have dreams or plans and is totally rude and aggressive. It’s tough. It takes a lot of adjusting.
I think looking back now over our own journey, the best I can say is just go with what comes. Each extra thing you have to deal with is part of the journey. It is an eating disorder being cornered and your loved one learning to express what it is inside. It is normal for any of the list above to happen and to have several of them.
If the ED can no longer express itself with food (restricting or overeating) then it has to find other ways to give it control over your loved one.
Don’t think you have failed because your loved one develops any of these. You haven’t. Breathe and talk it through with someone. Then get on with loving, caring and supporting. No one is to blame. Underneath the original person is still there and will one day emerge. Their original personality will become the norm again.