Gold and Black Cuff: PitayaGreen Cord Pants: PitayaBowler Bag: ZaraBlack Suede Flats: Urban OutfittersWhite Blouse: DI in SLCWatch and Chain Bracelet: Gifts from MACEarrings: Urban Outfitters
Its been an interesting month for me. And an even more interesting couple of days. I often feel like I'm my five year old self again. Uncertain, timid, shy and for lack of a less dramatic term, forgotten. I moved 800 miles away... I didn't die. As of January 18th I will have lived in Arizona for 5 months. That reality isn't sinking in. What is sinking in? 1- Me reaching out to my friends back home only to hear little to nothing back from them (not all of them, but the majority). 2- Wishing I had someone to call to just meet up for coffee or a glass of wine.
3- Spontaneous shopping days by myself aren't entertaining anymore. 4- going to the gym by yourself is just plain boring. This IS real and IS sinking in.
I guess you could say I'm lonely.
Thats been a hard pill to swallow this week. Along with me feeling like I need to make a career driven decision before I talk my way out of it again. If you don't live, love and breathe what you do, you need to move on right? I've had a few conversations with people that I have tremendous respect and adoration for, especially when it comes to being successful and healthy, and they made me feel like what I want to do is the best step I could possibly take. Last night, had somewhat of a conversation about how I am feeling with someone else and by the end of it all I could think was "oh well Steph, you're an adult and you need to suck it up. Sorry you hate where you're currently at. Welcome to life."
No. No, I don't think I will accept that. I'm driven and I love what I do far too much to feel tied down to anything that doesn't make me 100% happy and fulfilled. I will work my butt off as a freelance makeup artist even if it means adapting a top ramen diet and taking a huge fashion purchasing diet!
Do what you LOVE in 2012. This is your year to take whats yours. xoxo