Inexperience

I have been considering going into escorting for quite a while now, but I’m not very sexually experienced; I’m 24 but I’ve only ever been with one guy.  I know agencies often accept girls without experience, but I’m sure they assume the women have at least unpaid sexual experience; do you think I’m too inexperienced to even consider this type of work?

Every escort has to start somewhere; I mean the first time she does it, she must be inexperienced.  But as you say, she usually has some non-commercial experience.  I’m not saying you have to be a slut or anything, but if you’ve only ever been with one guy, sex work may not be right for you.  Now, there are a few caveats:  this has nothing to do with the clients, because some guys really like an inexperienced girl.  And I know nothing about your sexuality; it may be that getting paid for sex really turns you on (I know it does me).  But if that isn’t the case, you may want to explore sex with at least a few more guys before getting into sex work; not only will it help you to map out what you like and what you don’t like (which is vital for setting your boundaries), it will also give you a better sense of the way different men tend to act during sex.  That will help keep you safe by helping you learn to anticipate things that can go wrong, and to recognize behavior that’s outside the pale.  The more you know, the more you can stay in control of the situation, and that’s necessary both for your safety and for the client’s pleasure.

I’m in my early twenties and sexually active, but very unfulfilled because I’m very repressed.  Can you tell me how to go about freeing myself from these inhibitions so when I find a great woman, I won’t be too hung up to have a good sexual relationship?

It’s very difficult to help another person ease his own inner repressions; paradoxically, we all tend to hold on to the things that hold us back!  I think the best thing for you is to read as many different things as you can from as many different people as you can, so as to be exposed to the wide variety of different preferences, viewpoints, etc.  This won’t smash your inhibitions, but what it will do is to show you that A) you’re not alone in feeling the things you feel, and B) that there are people out there with much more extreme desires than you have (whatever those might be).  Once you begin to realize that your needs aren’t “weird” or “bad”, you’ll find that the repression tends to just fall away on its own.  For example, when I was in high school over 30 years ago, one simply didn’t talk about bisexuality; it was a shameful thing to be hidden or at most joked about, but not seriously discussed.  But as I met other bisexual women it began to seem more and more normal to me, and by the late ‘90s I was totally “out” about it.  Furthermore, it’s not at all abnormal for people your age to feel unfulfilled by sex; it’s hyped as being this magical experience, but in actuality (as with most things) one has to learn to appreciate it.  And very often, it takes until one’s late twenties or early thirties to do that, and to really feel comfortable in one’s sexual skin.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)