I Love thisIt Actually Made Me smileSometimes It Feels It...

I love thisIt actually made me smileSometimes it feels it feels like life is playing a trick on meTo see how far it can push meEver since I was a child I had a feeling that something amazing was going to happenThat I had a purposeA reason for being hereI haven't felt that feeling in a long time but sometimes something will happen that will remind me that I used to feel that wayI've always been told that I have a lot of potentialBut what does that mean?That I could so something greatPossiblyMaybe
Something is changing in meI can feel itI'm not quite sure what it is yet but it's definitely thereIt's like there is a ball of energy inside meI feel an urge to do somethingTo break out of my shellI've gone so low that the only way surely is upIt has to be
I gained weight steadily all last yearEvery time Mary weighed me I cried my heart outI would've done anything to see the number go downThe minute I reached a healthy weight I started to lose it againAnd now that the number is going down all I feel is numbIndifferentIt means nothing anymore
I'm tryingI'm fightingI'm hopingI'm believingI have faithI want to get wellI want to be free of this thingIt was all a lieAn illusionA cruel trickAnorexia befriended me when I was vulnerableI was an easy targetNot anymoreNot this timeNot this girl