Aunty Bill
My girl Denise left me for another man.
She texted to say, “I want to be with Jason. He looks great in tan slip-ons and doesn’t possess a face that looks like Hitler’s good bollock. Can I have my Pink album back as well?”
How can I win her back?
Les, Norwich
Aunty Bill Replies;
Les,
It sounds like Denise is gone. If you follow my advice there is a chance you can still win her back. Invest in a decent pair of comfortable and fashionable shoes (Sling backs or ballet pumps are in at the moment).
Customise them by sprinkling the heels with Hundreds and Thousands. This will make you really stand out from the crowd! She will certainly know you mean business and Jason will have to raise his slip-on style to compete with you.
There’s a chance that people will throw something at you, but turn the other cheek (the one that doesn’t look like Hitler’s good bollock).
Good luck!
Aunty Bill