I'd Rather Quit Blogging ....

I'd rather quit blogging than ever have a blog that only represents a bright shiny life.For we of a certain age ...know by now...
real life is always bittersweet...filled with peaks and valleys...good time and the bad...
I have  hoped my entire life that  this was not the case...that if I just worked hard enough..I could control things...
Control my life with...children,a husband, family...myself...
Now I have to face my fears...I cannot.
My children
who I desperately love
 are all of another age...An age where I am no longer in control...
An age where their lives are pretty much their own...
And I must realize I can no longer protect them...
all of the time.
I must live with the fear...of an 18 year old son...with a motorcycle...Who has chosen to be on his own...and
 thus making his own decisions.I am left with realizing I can only let him go...With LOVE.
I must realize...it is not my husband's job to fill thehole in my soul...It is my own life's journey.
I must make peace of my fear of my parents getting older...and instead  of running from this ...make the most of the now.

I must accept myself.
Accept...I will never be perfect.That fear and anxiety will always be a constant companion.That the fact that I feel so intensely....my life always be challenging...
I must accept my own aging...and
not only make peace with it...but search for the true gifts aging can bring.
I must accept that I can not outrun my pain and  fear and anxiety...but I need to acknowledge it's presence...to accept there will be always the bitter with the sweet.
I say this...so you know when you visit my blog...it is always about the bitter and the sweet...

it's just that the sweet is so much prettier to see...
and
if we look hard...
we can uncover so much sweet.

as always my friends
I wish you love and joy
as you style your life