One of our greatest challenges is the domain of relationships, personal and professional. What makes this area laborious? Our points of view.
Our fixed points of view trigger difficulties. You know, the points of view that we hold and defend dearly, no matter the cost. 'My way of doing this is the right way!' 'He will never treat me the way I desire.' 'She is always gone when I need her.' This need to prove and be right creates resistance and struggle in the world.
What if there were other possibilities that would open up more ease for you and others? The next time you feel resistance and struggle with choices made my someone else, consider these perspectives for self-facilitation.
Interesting Point of View
When people's choices don't reflect your preference, identify the reasons that create your dissatisfaction. What would it take to see their choices as just an interesting point of view? By doing so gets you away from the difficult and unrewarding job of being responsible for the choices of others. You will feel better. See the world and the behaviors of people as an interesting point of view. Wouldn't it create more ease in your universe? This is not to say you are free of responsibility for your life. You will continue to do what is required, just why not eliminate the stuff that isn't yours to worry about.
Trust in a different way
We have learned that trust means 'blind faith,' that ''Everything will be fine.'' What if trust means that the person will do what they have always done until the choose differently. If an employee has the habit to arrive late at work, trust that she will be late until she chooses something else. Trust is not about hoping they will change or trying to make them become a certain way. This way you are much more likely to not be disappointed or upset when they do what they have always done.
Does this reaction/thought belong to me?
The next time you are upset by choices made by other people, ask yourself if the frustration is really yours. We are more aware of the energy and activities around us than we give ourselves credit. We can walk into a room of people and immediately assess the emotional flow. Acknowledging this capacity for ourselves can greatly reduce our stress and self-criticism. For some reason, we believe if we think or feel something, it must be ours. This is functioning like a crazy woman. How much are you influenced by the emotions and the thoughts of those around you? 'Does this creepy feeling belong to me?' Probably not! Get into the rhythm of asking more questions, then you will have less self-destructive conclusions.
Create Your Reality
One law of this reality is action gets a reaction. Someone makes a mess in one part of the world, it floats across the ocean into our backyard. If your world is confined to an office space or bedroom, well this could intensify the mess. Choices made by bosses, spouses, children, or government can influence our actions. Aside from giving up or screaming at our misfortunes, what can we do? The short answer is create your own reality. Yeah, simple huh.
Creating your own reality doesn't mean clicking your heels, collecting enough gold and diamonds to purchase a remote island, although that could also be fun. It is more about creating your life, being honest with yourself about what you desire and going all in. If you are noticing more crazy drivers on the road, increased numbers of disgruntled colleagues and countless tasteless dinners, consider checking in with yourself. This is a prime time to ask yourself some creative questions. Have I lost my way? Are my targets and goals large enough? What do I really desire to do and be? Am I getting in my own way to having what I really desire?
The more we are enjoying the ride of what we love doing, most of the "don't likes" and conflicts disappear. The truth is you can only know happiness if you are in harmony with exploring and doing what is true for you.
Ask questions
Asking questions and making another choice is a very simple, elementary concept. Yet we have a tendency to make a choice and feel an obligation to stay with that choice. Have we created internal contracts with ourselves? How is that working for you?It is just one choice in an unlimited choice pool. If something isn't working, ask a few questions. 'If I continue with this project, relationship, job, dinner what will that create in my life?', 'Is this fun for me?', 'What would it take to have ease with this?'
Once you ask a question, you will receive an awareness that will guide you to make choices. Acknowledge when a partnership, relationship or job is no longer working for you. Is it better to get into the dingy and start rowing or stay onboard a sinking ship and bail water? It is your choice!
Do you want to be right or free?
Freedom is created when being in allowance. If you are sharing space with a co-worker, creative team, or someone in traffic, being in allowance is allowing their points of view without reaction, nor resistance. Allowance is not about compromise, giving in or being run over. It is simply allowing their point of view without having to defend yours. Also, be clear about what works for you and let that be known. And, of course, asking questions like 'How can we compliment each other on this project?' Or 'How can I drive my car and allow the 'stupid's' their space?' It is very helpful to acknowledge what is true.
Controlling others and their choices is a fruitless challenge. No matter which point of view you have, how caring you are, and how much success you desire for them, at the end of the day, people will choose what they desire to choose. By standing aside, perhaps the choices other people make for themselves will create different and unique results we could not have imagined. It is one of the greatest caring we can be for them and ourselves. We can only be clear on what we are here to contribute to this world. What kind of world do you desire to live in? Continue to ask questions to follow your dreams with more ease. We are all making choices that either bring us closer to happiness or further away. It is and will always be just a choice.
This guest post was authored by Edith Paul
Ms. Career Girl was started in 2008 to help ambitious young professional women figure out who they are, what they want and how to get it.