Imagine one of your favorite heroines from a movie. What did she definitely have? Strength, confidence and vulnerability. So how can we make like JLaw from Silver Linings Playbook and keep it real?
Step one: Wear Red. Seriously. My Dad sent me this golf article last weekend about how wearing red can give athletes an advantage. It seemed sound, and after all I can think of a couple of times when I was wearing a red dress and I got asked out…however, I also got asked out when I was wearing a blue dress, proving that it’s not the color you wear that makes you attractive; it’s your outlook on life. And if it’s positive, people will want to share time with you.
Step 2: Remember who YOU are. Some studies show that looking at our friend’s “Facebook Life” can make us feel miserable. Other studies say that since you have posted some great moments from your life, taking a spin through these old photos can make you feel good. So next time you’re getting ready to go out, forget trying on half of your closet. Grab a glass of wine and look at some of your old photos – those moments when you were being true to yourself, honoring yourself, and having wonderful stints with your tribe.
Step 3: Bring who you REALLY are to work, to happy hour, wherever you go, hold true. This is so much easier said than done. I’m still new in town and according to some astrological sources; Virgos (me) are chameleons, one of the mutable signs who adapt to our surroundings and those around us to be just like them. So what’s a people pleaser to do? Don’t try to be “cool girl” all the time. Eventually the real you will have to come out, so just be her on date one. Remind yourself. Wear special jewelry. Journal to check in. Call your best friend once a month. It seems contradictory, but you can still grow and change while remaining YOU.
Step 4: Speak freely, with grace. I’ve asked a guy, on our first date, when his last serious relationship was and how long it lasted. I didn’t care if it made him squirm or if he never called me again, because I legitimately wanted to know! (He apparently didn’t care and did call me again, the next day to ask me for date two.) Confidence is sexy. Speak your mind within reason though, because not everyone finds overtly confidence attractive. So take a balanced approach and be real but not too forward.
Step 5: Be nice to yourself no matter what. You acted in the best way you know how and your boyfriend or boss disagrees with how you handled it. Own up to how you responded to the situation – even if it’s not to them but at least to yourself or your journal or your best friend. You tapped into the experience you had and reacted in the manner you thought was best. Everyone has a different background and different experiences and different approaches. There is not one correct way. Thank them for telling you how they would have dealt with the situation – new intel is sometimes helpful and growth and evolution is what keeps us interesting! But, as Teddy Roosevelt would say, realize that you also did the best you could, with what you had, where you were! So learn, grow, be gentle with yourself, and move forward.
Confidence isn’t a red dress or a signature remark you say to someone; it’s the realization that every day, you stand as the best version of yourself and remain open to people and ideas.