My recent posts have been filled with beautiful pictures and eventsand outfits.And they were all true.
But what was missingis that recently I have been battling some anxiety issuesthat don't translate into pretty pictures as easily.
I never want my blog to show only a partial of my lifeI think everybody is so much more interestingwhen the layers are peeled back to revealhow we all get through the trying times.Because like it or notat one time or another we all have them.
Two weeks agoI had a panic attack so badit had me doubting my sanityuntil I researched and found outit was just a full blown panic attack.
I had been feeling increasingly anxiousespecially while away with my husbandit hit mewe are definitely in empty nest zone.I had known that cognitivelybut while away I realized there really was no one at homewho needed us.It was such an odd dizzying realizationafter 23 years of parenting.I really and truly am in a new phase of life.
Although the panic attack definitely scared meit was also a gift.A gift in that it made me stop and realizeI have my limits.I had been pushing myself to take on more and more workand live way outside my comfort zone.I had also decided I was not going to spend anymore timefeeling bad about things I couldn't control.Which sounds fine enoughbut it really meant I would just bury all emotions.
After all of the peeling back of how I ended up with a full blown panic attackbesides the obviousI realized how much I had stopped doing things that made my heart thrive.
In my attempt to out run my sadnessand bury myself in workI had dropped by the waysidemost of the things that make my heart thrive.
My gardens were/are over grown and unkept.
My poor little house has not had the love I usually show it.
My closet until last week had deep piles of clothes on the floor.
I could go on and on.
So I have spent the last couple of weeksputting my pieces back in order once againand I have realized along this part of my life journeyhow important it is to have daily choicesthat make my heart thrive! It's not just about checking off to do lists any more.
I want to thrive!
I want to see experiencing some joy as a daily requirementjust like great workouts, work schedule and chores.I am adding joy to my daily schedule!
So yesterday I loaded up my bikeand
went for a mountain bike ride in natureby myself.I rode down hills that used to scare meand they didn't.Instead they were exhilarating.It was pure joy and fun.I can still feel the memory in my heart.and it gives me real hopethat this next chapter can be pretty darn great.
I will remind myself to let go of that which is gone.
I will be grateful for what is here today.
I will have hope for joyful tomorrows. This year I can make my very own summer fun listlike the kids and I used to dobut this time it will be about me!
I will hold my head upwith the knowledge I did the child rearing well with all I hadand now I will make my own lists of new summer fun!
I will choose to thrive!
As always my friends
I wish you love and joy
as you style your life