I have realized through intentionally practicing gratitudethat when I am feeling the least gratefulthat is exactly when I need to dig deeper to find my gratitude.
I am a very all or nothing personand this is never a successful outlook on life so I have to remind myself
life is always filled with peaks and valleysandit is in life's valleysthat gratitude is most helpfulin getting to the next peak.
When I'm in a bad moodor feeling depressedmy mind becomes a negative collectormentally sweeping through all the areas of my lifeto make a stand that my life sucksand everything is wrong.
In those momentsI have temporary blindness to anyand all goodand the rabbit hole opens up with a siren song.
I am ready to blame anybody and everybody for my disappointmentsto focus on hurt and position for attack and
invariablymake my day and relationships all the worse.
So now when I feel that kind of badand can't quite get to the gratitudeI back upand ask myselfwhat is really going onbecause I know by nowwhen I'm thereit's not really about others.
Today I know it is a frustrationover a relationshipthat I can't control.That I must remind myselfsometimes you must accept estrangements.
I can't choose to feel so bad about itthat I use it as an excuse not to seek out a beautiful life.
TodayI know I am also frustrated with myselffor a adding on 5 pounds recently.I could blame menopausebut I know it is really loosing focus onsome daily choices.
Usually when I feel this disappointmentI go into self punishing modeof denial.Which invariably ends upwith even more bad choicesmade to escape the harsh punishment.
So todayinstead of going into these old modes of behaviorI am making new and different choices.
I am going to dress myself lovingly todayin the body I have today.I will work to change my mental dialogue to kind and loving affirmations.
I will make a list of the l things I am grateful for today like
quiet coffee timemy bedroom sanctuaryfree time that I have great wardrobe pieces to pull fromthat we got marvelous rain this weekend
it is sunny today
andthat I am healthy.
I will realize todaythat when I am feeling downfinding faults in others
or myselfwill never improve my situationbut self kindness can.
Instead of trolling for the bad
I can remind myselfthat having a bad daydoesn't mean it's a bad life.
I can take time for self kindnessinstead of self punishment.
Today I am going take the timeto nurture myselfand
practice self careand for thatI am grateful.
as always my friends
I wish you love and joyas you find your own life gratitudes