Keep Lung And Beautiful!
Aunty Bill,
Last week I married the man who I thought was the love of my life. Today he has left me for another man. My Dad. Dad lives in an iron lung and is mute. How can I cheer myself up?
Alison, Gloucester
Aunty Bill Replies;
Alison,
This must have come as terrible shock to you but the darkest hour is before the dawn and for you the dawn is going to be incredibly bright (sort of).
To lose your Husband to your Dad needs a firm course of action and this is what you must do.
Visit the pair of them and let your feelings be known – Dad is mute so he won’t be in a position to answer back anyway.
Check his iron lung. The chances are it is a Casio TW122Windjammer. Look for the Negative Pressure Ventilator (this should be situated adjacent to the Tank Respirator although on earlier models is linked to the aerator valve).
Turn to maximum pressure, retire to a safe distance (I’d recommend at least a third of a mile) and watch that baby go! Both problems solved at the turn of a valve.
There’s a slim chance the police will come a knocking. May I recommend Sioux, Grabbit and Runne solicitors who, for an unreasonable fee, will represent you should matters take a turn for the worse.
Aunty Bill