Dear Aunty,
Hello AB
I recently found out that my man was having an affair with a frozen chicken which he keeps in the freezer in the shed. He says it is OK as
the chicken is free range and organic and can play the trumpet. Badly though. Should I be worried?
Cerys, Ceredigion
Aunty Bill Replies;
Dear Cerys
Never easy to play second fiddle to a frozen bird,even one who plays the trumpet, albeit badly.
Have you tried thinking where things went so badly wrong that he has resorted to this behaviour? The fact that the chicken is organic is a blessing as it at least shows he has discerning taste. Worse if he was consorting with a value chicken or breaded goujons. At least his moral compass is still functioning, albeit in a slightly funny direction.
I Suggest that you all sit down to dinner one Sunday and discuss this issue. DON’T do a roast chicken as this would be beyond spiteful and could induce trauma in your man’s new beau.I suggest a nice vegetable lasagna. In the meantime a crash course in the Tibetan Nose flute is called for.Trumpet? Pah! any damn fool can play the trumpet. The Tibetan Nose flute is on another level, check out the guys at your local shopping center with the big throws over them for proof of how skillful an art this is. Both he and she will be blown away.If all this doesn’t work unplug the freezer and watch your love rival perish a slow and painful death.Next stick the trumpet up your husbands arse and change the locks (on the doors, not his arse).
Aunty Bill