What do you want out of life and how can you get it? Cut and paste the link below to see my latest Mindset column on that very topic in AZ-Lifestyle.com, pages 74-76, hot off the presses:
http://az-lifestyle.com/2012/9/912.html?pageindex=58
Great issue all about the new Arizona performing arts season. Check it out…
What Do You Want?
You can’t always get what you want. Right? The Rolling Stones even wrote a song about it. But is this really true?
What would you say if I told you that you can have pretty much anything you want to have in life? You can you know. The secret is to allow it to take shape in the way it’s going to take shape. It just may not look how you thought it would look.
Often, when we set our sights on what we want, we envision exactly how we want it to be. Now, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s actually a really good start…something to aim for. The problems arise when we hold steadfastly to that vision and don’t allow it to morph and take shape given the circumstances of our lives. Our new job MUST pay X amount of dollars, our new love interest MUST have X physical attributes, our new home MUST be a single family 3-bedroom house with a pool, our health problems MUST completely recover and go into remission, we MUST lose X amount of pounds and fit into a size X. We tell ourselves that this is the way it must be and anything less won’t do. And with that, without even realizing it, we’ve put ourselves into a box of our own making. The vision itself turns into a constraint.
What if instead, you allow yourself to set a goal and then make choices along the way based on what life presents you. You get offered a decent new job that doesn’t pay as much as you would have liked, but could lead to new opportunities if you try it and stick with it. You meet a man/woman who looks completely different than you had envisioned, but is kind and considerate, making it worth going on another date to find out more. You search for that house with a pool and find you can’t afford it, so you allow yourself to consider a condo with a nice community pool and work out room, just out of curiosity. You discover your back still hurts if you do certain things, so you allow yourself to do daily excises and experiment with finding things you can still do. You lose 10 pounds instead of 20 by going to the gym and eating well, and you discover that you feel healthier and happier, despite not reaching your original weight goal. Instead of rejecting new options off-hand as not what you had originally wanted, can you allow yourself to remain open to the possibilities of what may be available to you at this point in your life…without judgment?
You see, it’s our judgments and expectations that get in our way…theyactuallyput us into our own boxes. What I mean is, most things are only “bad” or “not right“, if we tell ourselves they are. Our thoughts are just our thoughts, not the Truth with a capital T…and luckily, we can change our thoughts if we allow ourselves the option.
By letting go of the judgments and permitting ourselves to consider alternatives we open up the box. We are no longer constrained; we are free to have just about anything we want because all of a sudden we are open to the possibilities in front of us. You CAN enjoy your life, if only you allow yourself. We often resist this openness to options out of fear of loss of control. The truth is, once we are aware of the constraints and let ourselves consider new options, we often feel liberated. What we thought was control was just restriction instead! So why not just let your thoughts be just that –thoughts, instead of obstacles? Allow yourself to explore your options in life with curiosity and wonder.
So, if you find yourself feeling trapped, constrained, stuck or frustrated, maybe ask yourself, “am I considering all the options?” Be thoughtful and aware. Let yourself be curious about how things might look if you challenged yourself to look at it another way. You’re just considering the alternatives after all. Then, most importantly, listen to that inner voice of yours. It may just be trying to tell you what you need to hear…”step out of the box”…”you can have most anything you want”…”it may just look a little different than you had originally thought.”
Maybe we can’t always get exactly what we want…but we can accept and enjoy what does comes our way, if we are open to taking a new perspective.
Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer