Dear LC
Yes, you’re allowed to sit on my lap but you have to realize that I have flesh and nerve endings and I can feel when you’re digging your claws into them. Maybe it’s about time I take you to the groomers again to get your claws trimmed. That sounds like a good idea.
Dear Andre
You are once again one of those angry birds this week. You really need to chill out and know that most of the time, I just want to play with you. I’m sorry I haven’t been around this week to let you fly around and play in the dish rack but my working schedule is nuts! Short week next week with lots more attention, I promise.
Dear social life
Calm down! I’m really struggling to keep up. You’re cool and all, but I honestly can’t be going out every single weekend. Not only am I too old for that, I value sleep more than social points. The TWO upcoming parties this weekend will surely end me.
Dear Diet Coke fairies
Please deliver to the vending machines at work. I absolutely can’t finish a 600mL bottle everyday and going down to Kings Cross’ 7 Star Supermarket on my lunch break… ain’t nobody got time for that! I’m not one of those people who can finish a 600mL bottle of anything – except water. Please come by soon. Love, Diet Coke drinkers.
Dear douchebag who said I wasn’t his type
NEWSFLASH FUCKWIT – I’m everybody’s type.
Dear dudes, in general
Stop embarrassing yourself. No, really. You have no idea how much of an idiot you look like when you’re trying too hard to get my attention when I’m not interested.
Dear anxiety
You are really killing me this week and I’m trying my best to keep it under control. Don’t come back next week. I mean it!
Dear girls who have a crush on someone at work
Don’t go there girlfriend. Really. It’s more trouble than it’s worth.
Dear friends
Thank you for allowing me to make your ears bleed with my sob stories and all the ranting and raving I did this week. You know you have some awesome friends when they let you do that. Thank you Chels, Zoe and MW. You’re the best!
And it was most definitely one of these weeks…
Happy FRIDAY!