I’ve made mistakes with you, my number one
My first time girlie,
My first experience of mommy guilt
A first time parent
So young
But you were younger.
I needed you…. But not as much as you needed me
I loved you first
I love you now
My girl with wit
My girl with a temper and a smile
My girl who’s taught me more about motherhood
Than anyone else ever has
Or will
Was I too strict or not enough
Did I appreciate everything?
Remember everything?
I’m scared I’ve forgotten too much…
But your intellect and empathy surpass my mistakes
In your eyes I see myself
When I was young
But you’re not me
You’re confident
And funny
And intense
And creative
You’re the best you I know
And you fill me with pride
But also regret…
That I didn’t savour enough
You read all day
Not to escape (I hope)
But to learn more
To travel to far off lands
That I couldn’t provide
Now life is settled
Finally
Your journey and mine intertwined
Can you just be a child a bit longer
Because I’ve stopped trying to build your future without you
And I want to live those years again
Now that
I’m here
Nowhere else
I want to photograph every moment
And keep it forever
Because I feel like the ‘mummy’ days are gone for good
I’m not sure I’m ready to be ‘mum’ yet
Can I be mommy a bit longer?
Can we talk about fairies and magic?
Not boys and selfies
Can you wear party dresses again?
Be excited by balloons?
Not make up
And sleepovers
Because I’ve not been ‘mum’ before
And I don’t know what she does
And I want on get it right
And perfect
This time
Because you deserve it
And a decade has gone in hours
But if I get it wrong
If I make mistakes
When I make mistakes
Know this
At ten
You’re still my first baby
Always my first baby
And now….
I’m a first time mum!!