It’s every anorexia nightmare – the crucial need to gain weight to restore brain, body and health. The fears and emotional roller coaster ride that go with the weight gain phase are very real to the sufferer. Not only is there the fear but the eating disorder is fighting for recognition and will not back down or let go. The sufferer ends up exhausted, confused, angry, frustrated, scared, out of control, and like they have no say. I have written several posts (just click the ‘food fears’ category) on this very same issue for both carer and sufferer to gain the perspective and support needed to make it through this period. Below is a post from a website I found this morning – Libero Network. Libero Network is a non-profit online magazine and resource site that brings awareness to and offers support for those recovering from eating disorders, depression, addiction, anxiety & abuse. It’s an excellent website.
While crucial, gaining weight is also a very emotional and challenging process. It requires a true fight to accept a changing body, especially as we process the feelings and thoughts recovery brings to the surface.
Choosing recovery from anorexia means choosing change – changes in our behavior and thoughts, as well as physical changes. Every piece of us suffers when we are underweight, which makes the challenge of adding health and strength to our bodies a question of survival.
This process of recovery often provokes anxiety, conflicting emotions and stress. Our anorexia tells us to continue to lose weight. It tells us that thinness is our identity and that our worth depends on the numbers on the scale.
We also have the healthy part of ourselves. In the beginning, it’s hard to recognize – just a little whisperer in the back of our minds. It encourages us to let go of excessive and dangerous thinness.
But, as we notice our bodies growing, we’re filled with fear. We feel like we’re losing control of our bodies and the way of life we’ve come to see as safe and right.
The stress that accompanies weight restoration often affects other dimensions of recovery, such as how we feel and act around food.
Many of us experience increased resistance towards following our meal plans as anorexia desperately tries to make us believe that we cannot and should not eat because food will make us “fat.” Urges to restrict and exercise might intensify, which can lead to a relapse.
While crucial, gaining weight is also a very emotional and challenging process. It requires a true fight to accept a changing body, especially as we process the feelings and thoughts recovery brings to the surface.
It’s important to be aware that this aspect of recovery is inevitable. There is no way around the challenges of recovery, but we can work on how we deal with them.
Below, I’ve listed tips on how to cope with bodily changes and how to prevent them from causing you to relapse:
1. Change perspective.
You gain weight, but it’s more important to realize that you also gain life. You gain the ability to laugh. To love. To live. Without minimizing the pain of breaking with anorexia, make an effort to focus on the positive aspects of recovery. It is scary, but it is even scarier to stay the same.
Being underweight does severe damage to our bodies and a life with anorexia is a life in pain. Even though it can be hard to believe when we feel overwhelmed by anxiety and fear, there is a part of us that wants to live a life in freedom.
2. Be honest about your feelings.
If you feel overwhelmed, be open about it with yourself and your support team. Your feelings are valid. Feeling shame, guilt and hatred toward our bodies does not mean we’re hopeless and will never recover. It is possible to work on these feelings together with your support team; but, in order for people to help you, they must know the truth about your feelings and behavior.
Do not let anorexia convince you to restrict food and/or increase your exercise in silence. No one will judge you or condemn you for acting on urges. You’re worthy of being supported in your battle against anorexia. Even though we can dread telling the truth, we often feel relieved afterward.
3. Tell yourself that eating is not optional.
Food is not and has never been our enemy. The eating disorder is our enemy and the one we need to fight. It will try to feed you with lie upon lie, and it can be hard to know what to believe. Use your support team as voices of reason. Food does not make us “fat” or make our bodies change overnight. It is a gradual process and we must trust the therapist(s) when they tell us that it is safe and necessary to nourish ourselves.
4. Identify healthy coping skills that feel meaningful to you.
Coping can mean journaling, painting, knitting etc. Recovery is a journey of self-discovery. We have the opportunity to explore our unique spirits and connect with our passions. Anorexia separates us from our inner selves as we become obsessed with food, weight, and rules. As we go through recovery, we will discover that we are so much more than the size of our bodies.
5. Be conscious of triggers.
Fight against obstacles that could make weight restoration harder – like mirrors or magazines with an extensive focus on weight and body shape. Challenge anorexia if it tells you that standing in front of the mirror is an invitation to bash your body. Write down positive affirmations and use these to talk back to the eating disorder.
Recovery also involves changing our body image and learning to appreciate our unique bodies and all they can do for us. End your destructive relationship with the scale and let go of weight loss as a goal. Instead of obsessing about numbers on a scale, pay attention to how your body feels as it becomes stronger and healthier. Living in freedom from the eating disorder is a life where your worth is not dependent on a number.
Lastly, Have compassion!
Recovery is hard and you deserve to be treated with kindness and love, by others and by yourself.