Written by: Cathy Shuba
All this talk about a New Years Resolution got me thinking about how many of us do not live in reality of who we are, what we are capable of and what we are willing to do in order to change. Does that sound negative to you? Maybe so but the reality of what we really need is a whole other story in itself. Heck, when i was drinking I knew nothing about who I was what I needed and what I wanted. I knew nothing about myself! On the other hand, do not get me wrong it is great to have goals, boundaries and dreams. I am not talking about that, but what I am talking about is the endless expectations we put on our selves and others in our life when it comes to another New Year. In my opinion, resolution is another word for expectations. Do you have a resolution for the New Year?
When I drank I had expectations on how things should be and could be in my life and with others. Sounds like a resolution with anger, resentment and aggravation stuck to it. When I drank I would say I was going to do something only to get your approval, please you or gain acceptance from you only then to go back to my old ways or not follow through with things. Sounds like a resolution with failure, guilt and shame stuck to it. I would drink more, eat more and avoid more of me! Sounds like a resolution filled with toxic thinking, distorted thinking and mostly far from the reality of where I truly was in my life,…lost!
After many drunken New Years then sober New Years I finally came to a spiritual awakening inside and found that resolutions are not healthy for me and that they are a lot like expectations. Maybe they are for you, give you hope or help you get through the Holidays,…many blessings I send you. For me, resolutions are no longer said, talked about and thought about for my well-being. Sure others have expressed their resolutions or have talked about it but i just let them talk and share. I have no need to let others stop having their resolutions just because I choose to live in the now and take each day as a choice to either better myself or hurt myself mentally, spiritually or physically. I made my own choice how I see and deal with resolutions. I prefer to keep it that way! I prefer to live in the now, this moment, this minute, this hour or day without the stress, guilt or shame if I do not do things or stay perfect in my resolution. I no longer want to see myself as a failure and do things in my life that give me positive energy and feedback! This way of life for me and in my recovery allows me to keep sharing my message with all of you regardless of my ups and downs I may have today. Having many years in my recovery has taught me to be humble, see for things for what they are and not live a life that is unreasonable or out of touch to who I really am,…love!
Today, and in the future days, hours, minutes and so forth in the coming New Year I wish all of you with or without a resolution to stop for a moment and reflect on things you liked about yourself vs. the things that brought you down this past year. In doing so, make a list and ask yourself how to improve, change or keep in your life in order to bring you closer to a love you will find within you. Are you willing to look at you?
Today, I took a long walk and reflected on my past year and found many things I love and some things I still need to pay more attention too. I am not perfect nor will I ever want to be but I know my only resolution can only be found inside of me!
Happy New Year to all and Many Blessings!!!!