Do I Fight For Her To Stay?
My advice below reflects this specific situation posed in the question below.
Question: I love my girlfriend more than anything. Lately, we have been arguing quite a bit and she wants to move out. I get that sometimes people need space, but she isn’t even willing to ever work on our issues. Do I beg her to stay, or let her go?
My Advice If You Want Her Back: You Don’t Care That You Are Better, She Is A Bitch or Crazy Version.
This is going to be written as if I were writing you a letter. Using this format makes it feel more real. I am so sorry this is happening to you. She is a selfish person and knows that the problem is her. See, she doesn’t want to sort things out because she knows her behavior needs to be “sorted,” into a pile of sanity mixed with a conscious.
Dear Chris,
If you beg her you two will never work it out.
She doesn’t deserve to be with anyone, and especially you after what she did. However, since I know that fact isn’t going to change how you feel, I am going to help you get what you want.
1. Be blasé blasé and say ok, ok.
Act numb. Act like you don’t have another card to play. Put your hands up in her presence (state of mind not physical). Your giving up will start the process of getting her to move back in. She will leave to test you. Act Hopeless NOT ERRATIC@!
Hopeless Activities: Smoking a cigarette outside (rub your eyes a little red and use some water if you want to not appear to hip pity skipper in your mood). Locking yourself in the bathroom is a hopeless act though she won’t leave until you get out. Erratic: Sitting on the couch without the TV on, looking pissed and wounded looking almost emulating your face at 12 mixed with sustaining the anger in a man. Erratic: Calling her a whore, bitch, f-ing this or that, and don’t say that you don’t care. If you haven’t already called her those names than while your would have had the right too, you get to come out of this circumstance (whether is ends or continues) without being the reason she left. Of course she wouldn’t leave because of name calling but if you didn’t do it then don’t do it now. Personally, if you were my brother you would hate me about now because I would have done the name calling for you.
Your paranoia that says, “Beg for her man, she is never never ever coming back!” Is most likely not true. In 99% of cases where the person is sure THIS time means there significant other is really leaving are wrong. That paranoia can’t be fought. Paranoia: Expect It.Don’t Fight It.It’s ok to keep you phone next to you.
Surprise: You can call her if you want. If you give yourself permission to call when you want after she leaves (or pretends to leave) than you will call her less. As long as you keep up the ‘blasé, blasé ok…ok – hopeless attitude and stay numb of spaced out then its ok to call.Should you call? Ok, if I had to tell you the time to not call her it would at night. She knows that people go out at night and if you call her than it’s checking yourself into her comfort zone. Ask the paranoia if it would like a drink or snack during its visit. Don’t fight it off!
It doesn’t work and in this kind of situation, most of us are borderline crazy and the more stress the crazier.You can’t help wanting her to stay in the same way she can’t help wanting to leave. It is so painful what you are going through and again, I am deeply sorry. Situations like this feel almost equivalent to mourning a death.
If you guys are going through problems that can be worked on or sorted out, she is very selfish by leaving. You don’t give up on the one’s you love unless they have done something that can’t be repaired.The only thing I would do is ask her if she is still, “in love” with you. Loving a person and who they are and being “in love” with that person are two separate things. If she says she is still in love with you, I would ask her if she would want to at least go to counseling with you. If she refuses then it’s probably time to move on. Stay close to friends and family, and even though it hurts try not to let her play with your emotions. Don’t let her change her mind back and forth about how she feels.
Remember, the feeling you have for wanting her too stay is just as strong as her feeling of wanting to leave.
Also, try to not call her. If you know you will and can’t help it go ahead and call her over and over as many times as you want to get it out of your system. I know that sounds crazy, but you will be so upset with yourself if you successfully don’t call her for three months and then out of the blue you cave and call her. Best of luck, and remember pain is a part of life, and luckily in this case it will be temporary. The girl for you, who will never leave or quit you is out there and you will find her.