Discouraged

Hopes and dreams are common for all of us and this week I am feeling a bit discouraged and lost. My buddy's family had hopes and dreams that aren't manifesting and won't right now. They are mourning and my heart is feeling heavy for them. In fact, the night I read the news I wept a little as I put my head down to sleep. I just felt bad for them but know that in time the great plan for their lives will reveal itself. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and try really hard not to get discouraged.

A run always makes me feel better

But then I come home to a table covered with papers, grass and mud on the floor I just cleaned, and a piles of dishes to put away...some of which need to be rewashed since that salad dressing is oily and so hard to clean from the little plastic tubs. I get it. It is hard. I try not to get annoyed at dear hubby. I go to grab my vinegar only to discover wine under the kitchen sink because I guess that is easier then moving my protein powders to put it on that shelf where it usually goes. I lost my cool. I was annoyed, tired, and needed a run. I wasn't slow to anger at all and I feel discouraged. I am trying really hard not to respond negatively to the small things in life but I failed to take a deep breath, count to ten, and move on.
And I am discouraged that so far my virtual run for Down Syndrome Awareness and Toby is showing little to no interest. I realize it is not a contest but I had a dream of being able to tell Toby and his family how many people care enough to say yes, I will dedicate my run to you even if I am getting nothing in return. I have done so many virtual runs personally and I love them. It seems the ones I host only hold interest if I offer prizes and as much as I see how that can be motivating sometimes it leaves me discouraged. I don't want to bribe people into doing things. I want to motivate people to do things and that brings me to the next point.
Am I being too focused on personal achievements? Should I care less, do what I feel is best for myself and mankind, and let the chips fall where they lie so to speak? Life is not a contest for me. I am not trying to be better than anyone else. I am just trying to be the best me and to do the work that I was meant to do. Am I off course? Is this what I am to do? I feel lost and discouraged.
I picked up my bible and aimed to do some reflection and mediation last night before bed but dear hubby kept interrupting me. He obviously wanted to talk and bond. I felt annoyed. Couldn't he see I was trying to find some answers for myself? But by shunning him am I being unloving? I put down my bible and turned my attention to my husband and the football game. I can't say I feel 100% good about it. The teams playing held no true interest for me but if I am striving to enhance my marriage am I achieving that by focusing on my studies? Did watching football make a difference? I really don't know and yes, I feel discouraged especially since all conversation died after I put my bible down.
But even through this heavy weight of feeling discouraged in so many aspects of life I found encouragement. I ran an easy mile today. A rest day mile. I was going to run 7 miles to make up for feeling bad last weekend but when it came down to the time to start running it hit me, run a mile. It means more to have fresher legs tomorrow and nail my 16 mile run. That would feel great. Afterwards I moved onto my plank and push up challenge. I saw that today had some scary sets for push up's: 20/10/10/8. I cringed. I saw it also had 3:30 minutes for planks. Yikes. I was scared, put on some nice tunes, and tackled it. And you know what? I did it! After the first set of 20 push up's I felt...dare I say it...encouraged. My hard work is paying off. This challenge is making a difference even though I am not doing it daily as I should. At the beginning of the month I could hardly pull off 10 push up's in a row. Progress! And my plank routine - tough but done. Yay!
When darling daughter woke up I told her Mommy did 48 push up's today. I felt wonderful. She told me good job. That felt nice. Then she said I should work my way to 100. Oh my! Am I up to the challenge? Will I let that discouraged feeling sink in? I hope not.
Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for cooperation.
Daily Affirmation: I have it in me to see beyond my discouraged heart to the goodness in the world.