Disconnected Writings …That is the phrase I woke up to this morninga phrase that stuck with me as I awoke.The only lingering words of departing dreamsa catch phrasethat stuckas I turned it over and over in my mindeven before I opened my eyes.
I take lingering dreams seriouslyI believe they have messagesto help me untanglewhat I can't put into place some waking days.
But disconnected writingsmade me stop and try to decode the message.
I did.
I can always tell when I get to my truthbecause the realizations usually bring fortha torrent of tears in the wake.
Not sad tears necessarilymore a releaseof tensions that have been buildingeven without me knowing.
Tears and truth can both be very freeing.
I realizeddisconnected writingscould be a name for my blog
because I do two things in this space.
I love to share style ideas.
But I also share my life truths.
I was in an unusually bad mood yesterdayone of those moodsthat I just couldn't put my finger onas I barreled through my to do lists.
No amount of accomplishment could undo the feeling.I could feel in my mindwhat I wanted to accomplishbut my heart just wasn't in it.
I was in the space I do to myself periodically.High expectations of accomplishmentas a wayto distance myself from heartache.
Every since my Mother's Day writing here about the estrangementI feel I have doubled up my driveto change my reality from sadnessto accomplishment.
I have even thought many timesabout reverting that post to draftas if that would change the reality.
I get the disconnected writings message.
You seeI would love for this blog to be only about the pretty and beautiful.A space where only shiny ideas are pristinely presented.
I wish I could be that person.
but I'm not nor will I ever be.
I am someone who will probably always have a predisposition towards sadness and depression.I will always be someone who feels so very deeplythe good and the bad.
I know by now tonot to go down the rabbit holeI have to practice a lot of self care and self compassion.
I am sure disconnected writingscame aboutbecauseI was planning out my blog posts.
Shiny pretty postslike
Really quick and easyMemorial Daydecorating.
Posts that were as far away from
'that' post as I could get.Today I realizewriting from my heartabout my real lifeandwriting and sharing my styling a beautiful lifedon't have to be disconnected.Because they are both my truths.
Having sadness in your lifedoesn't meanyou can't search for beauty in life.
Maybe it meansyou need to search even harderfor the beauty as a salve for your soul.
As a reminder
Even in darkness there is light.
I will take from
'disconnected writings'
a realizationthat it is OK ifwriting from my heart about my real lifeandwriting and sharingmy styling a beautiful life both exist.
I needn't feel embarrassedthat my life isn't perfect.It doesn't detract from my abilityto create beauty.
On the contrarymy imperfect lifemakes me able to truly appreciatethe beautyin the seasons of life.
And by the way ... My Memorial Day decorating really is quick and easy!
I have collected flags for years.I simply group them in my plantersinside and outfor a burst of patriotic cheer!
As always my friends
I wish you love and joyas you style your life