So today was my first meetingOf the 90 in 90 days that I am doingWellKind ofI woke early Collected my medsWent for a walk with my Mum and dogsDid the food shoppingAnd texted my friend Marie to see if she was still up for going to the meetingShe wasAnd I arranged to meet her at her house at 11 30amI got home Had a quick cuppa And headed outI deliberately kept busy in the morningSo I wouldn't have time to talk myself out of not goingI really wanted to goAnd to say that is hugeThat I actually want to go to a meeting For meNot because I think it's what I should goNot to appease my familyNot to meet other addictsBut for meFor my recoveryFor my sanityFor my peace of mindFor my own crazy head
I arrived at Marie's on timeThe meeting was about half an hour awayAnd we picked up another girl on the wayThis was a bit of a big deal for me tooAs meeting someone new is not something I do a lot ofBut we had a great chat in the car on the wayAnd arrived just before 12 30pmThe time we thought the meetibg startedJust then we saw a member coming out of a shopWe rolled down the window and asked her what time the meeting was atShe said it was already overThat it had in fact started at 11amThis was pretty unusualAs meetings during the day usually start at 1pmHowever it was over There was nothing we could do about it
We met up with another memberAnd decided to go for coffeeIn the endWe had a lovely time Almost like our own little meetingI wasn't going to count today as day 1But my friends suggested that I doAs my intention was thereAnd we kind of did have a meetingSo I am going to count itOne down 89 to go
There were times today When I felt really awkwardLike I had nothing worthwhile to say or contributeLike I was a boring person with nothing interesting to say for myself Like I wasn't pretty enoughThin enoughGood enoughI must make it clear that my friends didn't make me feel this wayNot at allThis all comes from my low self esteemAnd non existent confidence But even though I had these feelingsI still did itI left my house I tried to get to a meetingI met new peopleI tried my best to be myselfTo get on with othersAnd you know what?I really enjoyed itI had a great timeI chattedI listened I spoke a little bitI was openI laughedIt felt good to step outside my comfort zoneAnd do something new
I'm now back homeAnd I feel like I am on cloud nineI feel positiveHopefulI feel pumped for these 90 daysI feel it's one of the best ideas I've had in a long timeI don't doubt that it will be hard But then nothing worth doing ever isI owe it to myself and my family to give this a chanceI really feel like it is the right thing to do
I told Marie what I was planning on doingShe thought it was a great ideaAnd made the point that even if I don't get to a meeting every single dayAt least I will be on the right pathAll it takes is everything I've gotI only have to change one thingEverything
So tomorrow is Day 2I am to go to a lunch time meeting locallyAnd am picking up Marie on the wayI've decided to use Em's suggestionAnd mark off the days on a calendarTo keep track of my progressI feel so excited to do thisSo full of hopeI know it's the right thing to doI can just feel it