Too often I get that question “Can someone be single and truly happy?” My response always follows a similar vein—it depends. If a single person’s idea of happiness centers on being married, it’s unlikely they will find “happiness” while still single. After all, their definition is very narrow and depends completely on one element being present in their life. Yes, it’s a big one, I get that. But life is made up of so many little and big things—and happiness can be found in many people who have some but not others—including marriage.
All this leads me to an article in the New York Times titled–The magic of Swimming on Martha’s Vineyard. You may be thinking, now what does THAT have to do with happiness–a lot actually. Its author, Jane Gross writes about her passion for swimming—in pools, lakes, ponds, rivers and the ocean. She mentions some great places she has gone swimming—but nothing beats her special place on Martha’s Vineyard. Now, for the connection to happiness. Begin with rereading her title for this piece and you find the word magic. What does this word connote for you? Certainly can’t imagine having a magical experience and feeling unhappy at the same time. Now where am I going with this, you ask? I’m using this one teeny example to illustrate how joy can be found when following a passion—and that feeling of joy comes from being fully present in the moment and at peace with the world around you.
Ms. Gross’s article is a pleasure to read. It takes you to a quiet part of the island—away from where the rich and famous flock every summer. Her favorite swimming hole is an ocean inlet called Lambert’s Cove—and as she describes it, the reader can hear, see and smell the beauty and tranquility of the place, the magic as the author puts it. Every year she rents a small cottage nearby and spends each day there swimming, walking the shore, eating fresh fish and lobster and watching the sun set in a beautiful island sky. Ready to pack your bags about now?
The point I am trying to get to—is that even though happiness cannot be defined and no one has ever come up with an adequate way to describe it, we know it when we feel it. That feeling of peace, a oneness with the natural world around us, an absence of stress, being completely in the moment—these are all ways we describe our feelings of happiness. Ms. Gross’s happiness when swimming at Lambert’s Cove is not shared with anyone—she experiences it alone and she describes the experience as magic.
If you believe you will never be happy as a single person and marriage is your ultimate goal—try reaching out for moments of happiness by finding your passion and indulging in to when you can. These moments won’t keep you warm at night or offer a sounding board when you need one, and they can’t share your burdens and triumphs through the road of life. But they can bring you joy, allow you to be, just be in a perfect moment for a little while—and they will help you to be a happier and more complete person which is a very attractive trait in any potential partner or spouse.
Want to read the piece? You can find it here on: