Ladies and gents, I would like to formally present to you my latest interview with the magical baseball experts, @JDunio and @CampbellSproul!! I polled everyone I know for funny ideas on which baseball superlatives we could use, along with some tried and true categories. For those who aren't sure what a superlative is, check your yearbook. Best hair, best dancer, best dressed, etc. The guys were limited to Pirates players in answering my questions. Once again, these two did not disappoint!!
Best HairJD: Pedro definitely. His modified Mohawk is only one-upper by Bryce Harper’s “got caught in at tornado” look.
CS: Jason Grilli over Jeff Locke. Grilli’s got the hockey hair going, it’s impressive.
GM: You sure it wasn’t the sharknado JD?
JD: LOL
Class ClownJD: AJ Burnett has that locked up. Nobody delivers a shaving cream pie to the face quite like AJ.
CS: Brandon Inge. He’s a clown in the clubhouse and in the batter’s box.
Teacher’s PetJD: haha… Clint Barmes. He’s Hurdle’s guilty pleasure. No other explanation for it.
CS: Jeff Locke. He’s like a dog following AJ all over the place.
Biggest JagoffJD: Jeanmar Gomez. Seems like an ok guy, but only a jagoff would call themselves Jeanmar.
CS: Clint Hurdle and Neal Huntington, for keeping dead weight on the team.
Best TweetsJD: James McDonald. Mainly because he hasn’t tweeted since April 21st. To me, that’s better than him tweeting.
CS: I don’t follow many of them, but AJ has the best of the few I do follow.
Coolest CarJD: Liriano has a white Maserati GranTurismo. Way better that the Dodge Caravan Mark Melancon and fam drove to the ASG.
CS: Mark Melancon’s minivan. All of the swag.
GM: AJs car looks like the Batmobile (of course)
(@acegloor: not to interrupt. I hear #ElToro has a car with ElToro on the driver’s side and MrsElToro on the other side.)
Best SmileJD: Can I go with @kellimurph on this? Doesn’t have to be a player does it? Yeah, I’m going with Kelli Alvarez.
CS: @kellimurph seems like a cop out. I’ll take Cutch.
JD: Not a cop out at all, I’m just admittedly homophobic.
CS: Actually, I redact my answer. The #MartePartay has the best smile.
Most Team SpiritJD: Easy. Brandon Inge. Remember how quickly he picked up the Zoltan? Best ever.
GM: That was pretty bad.
CS: Not buying Inge for that. If the award were “best fake walkoff” he’d be a sure thing. Gotta take the Parrot for team spirit.
GM: The parrot does know how to shake his badonkadonk.
JD: In fairness, the Parrot likes to call that his “tailfeather.”
CS: The day he fell onto the field, and they replayed it on AGH cam, I laughed for 20 minutes.
Most StylishJD: I’m going with Jared Hughes. Mainly because he scares me and I’m afraid to say anyone else. Considering a PFA…
CS: Gotta take Grilli. The shirt and sweater he had yesterday were impressive.
Best Facial HairJD: Jeff Karstens. Nobody rocks patchy facial hair quite like him.
CS: Clint Barmes. Because when he grew the beard it was a sign that he’s getting over his alopecia.
GM: I feel like if Locke tried to grow any it would look like that too.
JD: Locke does try to grow it…it just won’t happen. He’s not old enough yet.
CS: Locke is going to dominate once he hits puberty.
Best DancerJD: Cutch.
GM: Did you see Melancon’s moves on that one commercial? Pretty sweet for a white guy.
JD: Key words “For a white guy”
CS: Yea, Cutch.
#BUCN vs. #SUCN (MVP vs. Not MVP)JD: #BUCN is Pedro Alvarez. Pedro has flourished into the run-producing power hitter we’ve been hoping for.
CS: Cutch is my #BUCN pick. Third in who NL in WAR. He’s still the man.
CS: #SUCN goes to Michael McKenry. Would’ve gone to Inge, but Inge is mildly competent in the field, unlike McKenry.
GM: Fort needs to start eating his spinach so he can throw people out like RussMart.
JD: #SUCN Neil Walker. He has a BA .29 points lower than James McDonald & Gerrit Cole.
CS: {Fort} already has Popeye’s forearms, but he’s just not getting it done. It’s unfortunate.
JD: Actually, he’d be a star in the Lollipop Guild…Maybe Plan B?
Most likely to:
Steal Hurdle’s bubble gumJD: Wandy Rodriguez. Don’t trust that guy.
CS: Starling Marte. He can move so fast, he’d get away with it.
GM: You don’t trust Wandy??? LOL
JD: Not for a second.
GM: JMac is the one with phantom injuries not Wandy lol
JD: If it’s not bolted down, Wandy’s taking it…
Flip Out During a GameJD: Gerrit Cole…but JMac is most likely to have a permanent meltdown.
CS: Gotta go with Gerrit. I would get pretty scared if he started hitting batters during the meltdown.
GM: True, I don’t wanna be on the receiving end of a 100mph fastball to anywhere on my body.
Sing in ShowerJD: If by “sing,” you mean drop the soap intentionally – Gaby Sanchez. If you really mean “sing,” Charlie Morton.
CS: Jason Grilli. Dude never shuts up about music.
GM: I don’t see Charlie being the singing type LOL
JD: Charlie is a musician…he actually does gigs once in awhile.
GM: I know but I just can’t picture him singing in the shower LOL
(@gettothecioppa Oh, hi guys! Charlie is an awesome singer! LOL)
JD: If you can’t picture Charlie singing, picture Gaby dropping the soap. Haha…
GM: I’m good LOL you know I’m an AJ fan anyway LOL
Win at Guitar HeroJD: Guitar Hero is old. Nobody plays that anymore…
CS: Gotta go with #ElectricStuff on that one.
Blow Paycheck on a Weekend in VegasJD: Jordy Mercer. Mainly because his paycheck isn’t that much.
CS: Pedro. He’s always swinging for the fences. He’d win a couple games of blackjack, and think he has it figured, then lose.
Happen: Barmes homer or Hurdle stops chewing gumJD: Don’t hold your breath. I can’t see either giving in anytime soon.
CS: Barmes bomb. Hurdle is currently at 8 pieces at a time. He’s not stopping anytime soon.
GM: Do you think CH is addicted to bubble gum? LOL
CS: Maybe. I asked him about his bubble gum chewing at spring training, and he said he chews 8 per game, all at one time.
JD: Luis Silverio told me he puts fresh gum in every inning.
CS: He was wrong. Clint told me at spring training that it’s 8 at the beginning of the game, and they stay there all 9 innings.
JD: Clint’s a liar. I trust him as much as I trust Wandy.
CS: Haha, okay, fair enough.
Put One in the Allegheny NextJD: Aroldis Chapman…after the game.
CS: Only lefties can do this, I think. Safe money says El Toro, but my gut says GI Jones.
GM: (re: Chapman) After hitting how many of our players to incite them into throwing him in? LOL
JD: haha…
Have a Weird SuperstitionJD: Jose Tabata: Keep Bats Warm…
CS: Pick a pitcher, any pitcher. Ballplayers are a superstitious bunch, but pitchers even more so.
Break A Bat Over His KneeJD: Snider because he’s always red-faced. I can only assume he’s permanently ****ed off.
CS: Brandon Inge would try, but he’d miss his knee with the bat.
Punch the Opposing Team’s MascotJD: Randall Simon.
GM: JD can we get a current Pirate player please?
CS: Jeff Locke. He’d do it on a dare from AJ.
GM: You think AJ has that much mind control over him? LOL
CS: Are you kidding? AJ says jump, Jeff asks how high.
JD: If you get arrested for bludgeoning a sausage, you’re always a Pirate in my book.
CS: This is my favorite tweet of the day. I wish I could RT it five more times.
JD: LMAO
GM: Alright loves!! It was awesome chatting with you again!! Thanks for participating!! You both crack me up!!JD: Always fun…thanks!!
CS: It was lots of fun. Looking forward to doing it again sometime.
GM: Definitely!! It’s like tradition now!!
Feel free to leave your answers for any of the superlatives, or make your own awards for other stuff in the comments!!