I've written this post maybe twice beforeFirst back in 2012After I watched the documentary by the same name presented by Cherry HealyAnd again in 2013 when I did an updated versionNow it's July 2015 So I think we are due an update To see if we are still hanging on to the same old addictions?Have we moved on?Have we acquired new ones?Where are we on the spectrum that is addiction?
The reason that I am writing this post todayIs that I was listening to the radio this morningTo one of the phone on showsAnd one woman had rung in with a problem she was having She described how she couldn't stop buying scratch cardsAnd was spending a huge amount of money on them every weekShe felt she was spinning out of controlAs she was lying to get husband and children And was using money from their joint savings accountSo her husband was going to find out sooner or laterThis lady was in a lot of distress And felt that she was addicted She described how she went from shop to shop to feed her addictionAnd how it was taking over her lifeAnd ruining her peace of mind
I could relate to this woman so much The only thing that was different was the substanceAnd that's the thing I have found over the yearsThe essence of addiction is the sameThe lying The cheating The manipulationThe shameThe guilt The utter miseryBut the substance can vary wildly from person to personIn my case it was alcohol and drugs to begin withAnd that morphed in to other addiction over the yearsAs I always sayIt's the same shitDifferent substance
I think I was born with an addictive personalityAddiction and mental health issues are rife on my fathers side of the familyAnd in my own immediate family of sixFour of us have experienced addictionThankfully all four of us are in some form of recovery Which I am eternally grateful forThe first thing I became addicted to was sugarI craved it constantly I think my food issues started at a very young ageI loved my food And I was such an active child that I burned it all off Had I not been so active I'm pretty sure that I would have had a weight problemI ate that much
As I grew in to a young teenager I started shop lifting And that quickly became an addiction tooAnd has continued to be a problem up until very recently Stealing was par for the course when I was in active addiction And also featured a lot during my EDAs you knowI was caught shoplifting recentlyThankfully the shop owner decided not to call the cops I don't know why But she let me goThat whole day was a nightmare I kept thinking that I was in a dreamAnd that I was going to wake up any momentBut I didn't It was all very realThe guilt and shame I felt was overwhelmingI was so disappointed in myselfSo annoyed that it had come to thisThey only saving grace is that I have now stopped shoplifting I thank my lucky stars that I wasn't prosecutedI know it could have turned out a lot different I was thinking of sending the shop owner an apology letterBut my gut toms me to leave well enough aloneSo I did
Age fourteenAnd I smoke weed for the first timeOver the next few years I dabble And age 18 I became addicted to heroinAs well as various other prescription medsThe next five years are a blurEventually I put the needle downBut I picked up alcohol and pillsAs my world began to crumble around meI knew I had to get clean and soberI was put on methadoneAnd that helped me to get stableSince then I've had many slips and relapses But that's part and parcel of recovery
From the age of 14 I was a heavy smokerAnd smoked 30 a daySpending €100 a week on cigarettes I loved smoking And if I was rich I have no doubt that I would still be smoking I didn't give up for health reasons I wish I could say that I didBut I gave up because I couldn't afford themIt's as simple as that I am now almost one year smoke free
But as is the pattern with me When I get one addiction under controlAnother one spins out of controlAnd at the moment That is internet shopping Over the last year I have bought clothes every week Mostly on line I see something I likeI think my life would be complete if I had that item of clothing I order it on lineAnd basque in the delight that there is a parcel on its way to meAnd getting said parcel is such a buzzTaking it in to the houseAnd testing it open is such a rushBetter than ChristmasI try the item onAnd for those few minutes I am satisfiedI wear the item once The novelty wears offAnd I am back on the hunt on the Internet for the next itemIt's getting out of control though Seriously My bedroom is bursting at the Sean's with clothesI shit you not
Other addictions I have are drinking teaI drink 15 -20 cups of hot sweet tea a dayI am constantly boiling the kettleAnd I enjoy every single one of themI'm drinking air more since I quit smoking It's just really comforting to have a piping hot cup of teaIt warms my body and my soul
White chocolateAnother addictionIt has to be MillybarNo other bar will doMillybar is soft and creamy and it melts in your mouthI buy five family size bars a day And eat every single one of themThey don't always have them in my local shopSo when I see themI tend to stock upSo today I bought tenBut that won't even last me two daysI just can't get enough of the stuff
Hunky DorysThese are crisps Or chips if you are from the U.S.It has to be this brandAnd it has to be salt and vinegar flavourI'm ashamed to admitThat I sometimes have these for my breakfastI buy two family size bags a dayAnd again Stock up when I can I swear it's a wonder that I am not obese
What else?Since I bought my first iPhone last yearI am pretty much addicted to itIt's like another limbI'm so attached to it
TelevisionI am such a tv addictI love to lose myself in a showIt takes me out of my own headAnd my own thoughtsIt's an escape for meI watch everything from dramasTo trashy reality tvI don't discriminate
Meds I'm on variety of medsIncluding methadone Not one but two anti depressantsAnd a high dose anti anxiety medsI mean it's a wonder I'm still standing I take so much medicationI am mentally and physically addicted And can't imagine life without them
Reading I love a good bookI guess this is a very healthy addiction to have I read the same books over and over againThere is something so comforting about that
Other addictions include exercise to a certain extentPurging Which is the Bain of my life Sleep I love to sleep And love going to bed at nightI adore that time of the night When I get in to bed Those few minutes before I fall asleep When my body and mind are exhausted My head is clear Not a care in the works And then slip in to the land of nod I love it
With all that saidI was wondering about youWhat are you addicted to?Do you have an addictive personality?How do you deal with your addictions?Fo they help or hinder your life?Answers on a postcard please....