April Fool's Day Tradition: Slowest Everest Climb Ever

One of the traditions we have at Gadling.com, one of the travel sites I contribute to, is that April 1st is a day used to poke fun at the industry. We all write an April Fool's Day post designed to skewer some aspect of our areas of expertise and have a little fun with our audience in the process. In the past, I've written a story about man attempting to mountain bike up Mt. Everest and that same character later attempting to drop the seven biggest waterfalls on the planet, which he labeled the "Seven Plummets."
This year's contribution to the fun returns our now infamous character, one Bob "Gnarly" Goldstein to Everest to give it another go. This time however, he has become the anti-speed climber as he hopes to set a record for the slowest climb in the history of that famous peak.
You'll have to read the article to get the full effect but I think you'll get a chuckle or two out of it. There are definitely a few subtle jokes in there that the average reader without much knowledge of Everest or mountaineering won't necessarily pick up on, but I think the outdoor crowd certainly will. As usual, I tried to have some fun with the story while taking the opportunity to also satirize an element of the adventure community that seems ripe for a little ribbing. I hope you enjoy it for what it is.
Be aware, there will be plenty of other fake stories making the rounds today. Be skeptical when reading some things out there today. Gadling will have new April Fool's posts all day long, some of which are really quite well done. If you're  in a need of a laugh, drop by the site and check out what some of the other talented writers there have contributed to the cause too.