I've been thinking a lot about the whole weighing situation At the end of my last session with Mary We decided that neither she or I would weigh me for the next few weeksShe also asked me to keep a food diaryAnd I made a commitment to eat regularlyAnd preferably not purgeMary assures me that my body will find its own natural set point if I feed it correctlyTo be honestI haven't quite kept to the agreement about not weighingAnd did so once yesterdayNo good can come of it thoughIt's a lose lose situationDo what is an eating disordered girl to do?
I remember a while agoI stumbled across a blog over in WordpressThe writer was documenting her life without weighing for a yearI remember thinking it was an amazing ideaShe wrote every single dayAnd was recovering from an eating disorderI think her year is up by nowIt was an incredible experience for this bloggerAnd it is something I am thinking about doingGetting rid of my scalesAnd not weighing for a whole year
It's just a thought at the momentI haven't made an concrete commitment yetI wanted to share the idea with you guysTo see what you thinkBecause the thing isWeighing myselfAnd being weighed by MaryIs really holding me backAnd keeping me stuck in a negative thought cycle I hate knowing the numberYet I feel compelled to step on the scale on a daily basisAnd emotionally torture myselfI think not knowing at all is the best policyI will know from my clothes if I am gaining or losing weightSo that will be my guideline
I really want to go by how I feel insideRather than go by how I lookAfter my conversation with MaryIt really hit home that I am Nevet going to be happy if I hang everything on what I weighOr how I lookI can finally see that happiness and contentment is an inside jobNo number on a scale No clothes sizeCan fulfill meAnd fill the hole in my soulI am regularly reading over my list of ten goals for the future They are what really matterThey are the things that are going to build my confidence and self esteemThey are going to help me develop a thick skinAnd a back boneBecause right now I am putting too much weight in what I look likeI mean yea it's nice to look niceHave nice hairFlattering clothes They can make me feel goodBut only temporarilyI need to find something with more substanceAnd more meaningI need a reason to get up in the morningTo bound out of bedAnd face the day head onRighting now I am just drifting alongI'm abusing my medsStruggling to stay clean and sober And hating myself most of the timeThere is more to life than being a certain size and a certain weight
In this year without a scale I hope to find other ways of liking and loving myselfI hope to find value in me as person Not as just a bodyI hope to sppreciate myself just the way I amAnd not judge myself by how I lookThe lovely Sam left such a lovely comment on my last pastShe asked me why I am focusing on the wrapping and the boxWhen there is such a lovely gift insideThese are such kind and thoughtful words And they are so trueOur body is just a vessel A vehicle To house what really matters on the insideOur personalityOur hopes and dreamsOur minds Our brains They are the important things
With all that said I was wondering what you think about this ideaLiving scale free for a year?Yay or nay?Inquiring minds want to know......