After approximately 5,475 days of living single, this week marked 200 days of marriage for me and Ron. Two hundred days is merely a drop in the bucket when compared to fifteen years plus of being single. Yet, I have learned so much. So many things that I could once only imagine are now a part of my reality.
This morning I was thinking, I wish I could go back. I wish I could go back even ten years and speak to the Candra of the past. There are so many things I would share with her. I see her sitting in her apartment alone and wondering when God would send love her way. She questioned God’s will and almost lost her faith. She nearly gave up on hope. Thoughts of backsliding from God’s will and living an unequally yoked life with an unbelieving man haunted her. She found little security or comfort in who she was because she grasped for less than perfect love…which is not love at all.
If only she lived an awesome single life for all of those 5,475 days. I would tell her to write novels and run marathons. I’d take her hand and lead her to the homeless and hungry that she may feed them and minister God’s love. I’d challenge her to become an inventor, a painter, to volunteer for causes close to heart. Perhaps those the days of sorrow could be replaced with joy and contentment. Maybe her time would be spent wiping away the tears of others instead of her own.
If only I could travel back in time…
I would reassure her that God cares about her pain and that His grace will be sufficient enough to carry her through this season. If only I could describe in perfect detail, the husband that God prepared for her. She often wondered where he was, what did he look like, and what were his dreams. Was he thinking about her as much as she thought of him? The answer is yes. Yes, Candra, yes. He knew she was near and that God was preparing her too. He was waiting for her with the same excitement and intensity. I would love for her to have known that.
But we can’t go back to yesterday. The right thing for us is to make the best of today and not take it for granted. Every morning when I rise, I ask God to help me live the best life I can live. My heart is fixed to walk close to the savior so that I have no regrets.
Perchance it was needful for me to feel what I felt, to be unsure, and to be tempted and tried. Yes, all of who I am today is due to lessons learned in my past. We cannot have a testimony until we first go through a test. There is no provision to travel back in time, but I can lend my voice right now. It’s too late to encourage the Candra of the past, but not too late for you today.
Live an awesome single life, today.
Love, Candra.