“When both of your parents are gone, no matter how much they meant to you, you realize they were only blocking the view.”
~The Far Side Of The Moon, Robert LePage
I have a challenging relationship with my mother.
Its almost a year since I came out to her and told her I was bi and poly. Whilst she seemed to take it in her stride at first, the next day she decided she wasn’t just going to move away from the house we had been sharing (long story- she needed a home right after my ex husband moved out); no, she chose to move to an entirely different country. That’s how difficult it was for her to come to terms with the fact her ‘perfect’ daughter was ‘sexually deviant’.
Over the following months I did a lot of examination on the nature of our relationship, and came to the conclusion that I needed to divorce myself from her in order to really be able to step into who I wanted to be.
Today, I sent her the following email, and at the urging of both Margareta and Orion, I am sharing it with you.
I’m writing this today, as I know that every year before your birthday you like to take stock of things and examine the course of your life in the last year. I acknowledge that my desire to create distance between us may have caused you difficulty. I want to let you know about where I am at, today.
There are no words for me to express how amazing my life feels right now. When I compare this to where I was a year ago, my life has come to be not about being content with what I have, but about being madly in love with who I am. I describe my relationship style as being in a primary relationship with myself and having an orgy with the universe. I dance with many others. As time passes I refine what I look for in these dancing partners, and I become clearer on how to recognize who they are. There are some I dance with momentarily, and there are some I return to dance with again and again. Every connection is a lesson and opportunity for self growth for everyone involved. Great things have happened from these many connections. My approach to this path is not so dissimilar to my approach to spirituality: I never liked reading the instruction book. I’m all about figuring it out for myself. I’ve been writing a blog about my experiences and it’s now read around the world and people have given me feedback that my writings have been very insightful for them. I would like to share some of these insights with you here:
- In this ever-changing universe that calls us to a new level of relationship with ourselves. I believe it is impossible to hold onto expectations in any kind of relationship. Expectation leads to disappointment.
- Intention on the other hand can lead to clarity and more decisive and precise action. I don’t enter any new relationship with any expectation of where it will go. But I do enter every connection with the same intention. I seek the divine in every person. I seek to share the boundless love in my own heart and invite my lovers to access that infinite source and wellspring of love divine in themselves.
People tell me that this makes me very intense… Sometimes it’s like two magnets setting each other off. The chain reaction can be a lot for some people. But it doesn’t mean I stop loving them. If anything, I seek transcendental love with each person, a love that can be both platonic, and/or physical. A love that transforms, a love that instigates creativity.
This is my path and that is not going to change.
I’m quite content to leave our relationship as it is. I do not know how you have changed. I do not know if you have questioned your judgments and opinions. I have a very difficult time relating to anybody who expresses any bigotry or homophobia, let alone someone who expresses negative feelings about my kind of love style. It is who I am and it’s healthy.
I know you say you love me, but yet you struggle to love who I am. There’s a subtle difference there. I think that’s a symptom of old ways of thinking you were raised with. And, I think it requires a lot of work on one’s self to get over the judgements engrained in us since birth.
I invite you to keep reading more about open relationships, about non-monogamy and about polyamory. There is a wide wide spectrum of perspectives to discover. I’m not asking you to embrace this for yourself. I’m asking you to open your perspective. To find a way to forgive the people in your life who might have ‘cheated’ and caused pain by so doing. I invite you to find a way to see the capacity for more love in your own self.
Every partner reveals something different to me. Every one holds up a mirror to a different side of my soul. I am a more complete person because of the ones I love, and I love them all the more for what they reveal to me. I no longer get stuck on one single aspect of myself, or locked into co-dependant relationships. Instead, I can explore all facets of my being.
I feel truly alive. And I think every human being deserves to feel this way. And should take the path they need to take to get there.Whether it’s in this lifetime or another, I want you to feel the kind of joy I feel. The joy of being alive, the joy of freedom from guilt, the joy of boundless love, the joy of being surrounded by people you can share that love with. The joy of living without judgments. The joy of dancing without burden. The joy of breathing in shared bliss. With love and blessings M