It isn’t always clear what is expected of us in relationships and often we give what we would like to receive, rather than what the other person actually wants or needs. These seven things are what I have come to realise, over many years working with couples, that most men want from their relationships.
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- 1. Appreciation
Men want women to notice when they have done something for them. Every time a woman appreciates something a man has done for her he feels loved. She doesn’t need to make a big thing about it, just a kiss and a ‘thank you’ will let him know he is appreciated and he will be inclined to do more in the future.
- 2. Encouragement
We all make mistakes. Men need women to encourage them rather than criticize them and this applies to every area of the relationship, including sex. Too much criticism, especially if it takes place in public, is a real dating deal breaker for men.
- 3. Understanding of their differences
Men are different to women and they will naturally resist women who try and make them more like them. Male contribution and attention in a relationship is often much more concentrated on big things and men needs women to let them get on with those things and have some of her emotional needs met elsewhere.
- 4. To not be expected to mind read
Men need women to say out loud what they want and need from them, they cannot mind read. Often women fall into the trap of dropping hints for a man to pick up on and then accuse him of being insensitive if he doesn’t. Men do not like hints, they like straight talking.
- 5. For a woman not to withdraw emotionally
Following on from point 3 above, sometimes a man can’t or doesn’t meet all of a woman’s needs. The worst way to deal with this is to punish him by withdrawing all warmth and affection from the relationship. Emotional maturity is about seeing things from someone else’s point of view, being interested in and spending time with a range of people, and communicating honestly. If you withdraw emotionally you are not really communicating honestly, and this will further damage the relationship.
- 6. Time to be a man
Lots is made of women’s ‘me’ time, even if it is a quick half an hour in which they can squeeze a bath, a catch-up with a friend or a lie-in. It’s the same for men: they also need time to relax, unwind and do something they enjoy, without being made to feel guilty.
- 7. To be loved as he is
‘She spent years trying to change me and now she says I’m not the man I used to be’- so the joke goes. There is more than a grain of truth in it in many cases. Remember, to be happy in a relationship all a man really needs is to be loved as he is.
I post dating & relationship advice. My vast experience in dating & relationships is here to help others understand their emotional maturity.