Summer has officially arrived and so marks the beginning of a season filled with travel, lying around poolside, and day drinking. Lots of day drinking.
Summer is also a time for self-reflection and relaxation. When grabbing a book and hitting the beach or sitting out in the yard are not only possible, but encouraged.
But then the inevitable question arises, “What book should I read?”
This all-consuming question has, on many occasions, brought forth so much anguish and despair to essentially destroy what could and should have been an enjoyable day filled with serenity and inner peace.
So how does one narrow down the vast list of acceptable choices and pick the right one? Relax, young grasshopper, we are here to help. Through countless hours of scientific research, we have come up with a list of 22 books sure to ease your anxiety and put all your chakras into perfect balance.
5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth
What do you tell a dolphin with two black eyes? Nothing. You’ve already told it twice.
The Fried Twinkie Manifesto
Fried Twinkies are the culmination of everything that is right in the world.
Don’t be offended; my cat hates me, too.
Bedtime Stories For Children You Hate
There are reasons my friends don’t let me babysit anymore. And I’m okay with that.
But more importantly, who is he wearing?
Maybe Your Leg Will Grow Back!
Or maybe it won’t. PUPPIES!
The zombie apocalypse is a very real thing. And so are unicorns.
Twilight fan fiction.
I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats
Also titled I WILL Pee on This and My Food Dish is Half Empty, Want Me To Starve?
William Shakespeare’s The Empire Striketh Back
For those into suicidal Sci-fi.
Speaking of suicide: bunnies in a toaster.
For lessons on how to live an exemplary life. Second only to the Bible.
Because sometimes dogs should just be ashamed of themselves.
What Would Keith Richards Do?
Probably not what Jesus would do. Probably.
Dear Luke, We Need to Talk, Darth
“Sorry about your hand…”
Reasons my mommy drinks: Me.
How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters
In the event Ian Ziering isn’t around to carve you out of a sharks underbelly, you now still have a chance at survival.
The sadists guide to insomnia.
How to Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn
Sold at your local O.S.H. and Armstrong Garden Centers.
Ice Cream & Sadness: More Comics From Cyanide & Happiness
Nothing equals the pain and sadness equated with dropping your ice cream. Nothing.
My Boyfriend Barfed in my Handbag…and Other Things You Can’t Ask Martha
Don’t knock Martha. She’s done hard time. She can make Pruno like the best of them.
And last but not least…
For when your day is in dire need of a dude in war paint.
Happy reading!