Surprise the shit out of your bae this week. Not literally. Hopefully. In a romantic way.
TAURUS (April 21 - May 21):
Stop fucking around reading the internet. You’ve got to get shit done.
GEMINI (May 22 - June 21):
That free lunch is expensive. But also delicious? Question mark?
CANCER (June 22 - July 23):
Get all those chain letters sent out, or like, instead do a bunch of Girl Scout good deeds and then chill back and reap the sweet, sweet karma.
LEO (July 24 - Aug. 23): You’re trying too hard but keep trying. Here’s your jam for the week:
VIRGO (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23):
Your instincts are right: They're really going to hate it if you do that. But whatevs, do it anyway.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23):
A problem shared is a problem doubled. Confessing won't necessarily rid you of guilt. (Unless it's a murder. If it's a murder, Libra, go confess right away. Seriously. Do I have to tell you everything?)
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22):
You're forever alone. Be thankful. L'enfer, c'est les autres.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21):
Throw your life into autopilot and coast all week.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20): Shrug your shoulders so hard that people stop leaning on them, at least for the week.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19):
Hook. Up. Get yourself a partner for boning purposes. Get yourself a partner for business purposes. Get yourself a partner for drinking purposes. Make some connections.
PISCES (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20):
"Dance all night, play all day. Don't let nothing get in the way."