Someone’s trying to screw with your feels just to toy with you or play you. Foil their plan by staying chill.
TAURUS (April 21 - May 21):
Friends or family: Don’t deal with both at the same time, and for christsakes don’t mix them.
GEMINI (May 22 - June 21):
Shut your fat, stupid mouth around your boss, jackass. S/he can’t take a joke, at least not your dumb ones.
CANCER (June 22 - July 23):
Stay mellow, Cancer. Just stay right there in your groove. Don’t pull any weird job moves, don’t make any big buys, just hang tight. You’re good.
LEO (July 24 - Aug. 23):
If that joke is supposed to be shocking, at least let everyone know it’s a joke. Also: trying to shock is usually lame. Beware.
Shocking!
VIRGO (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23):That sucker’s loss is your gain! Boom! Way to profit from someone else’s misfortune! Exclamation point!
LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23):
Get all the sleep. Do all the resting. Draw yourself a hot bath. Drink lots of water and juice. Put on your favorite socks. It’s time to look after yourself.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22):
You crazy creative type, you! Launch that project now. Your enthusiasm will be as contagious as your syphilis.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21):
Problems ahead. No use calling them “challenges.” They are shit blocks in your roadway. Try to hop over them like they’re hurdles or something.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20):
Patience. You’ll be there just at the right time.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19):
Yeah, you’re losing that cool thing, but something even cooler is coming (all over your face ahahahah sorry I couldn’t stop myself -Jenny).
PISCES (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20):
You got this. Go get yours. It’s your time. You win.