I know, I know, it's a truly ghastly Monday morning with non-stop rain and you are in real need of a good joke to cheer you up as you face another week at the coal-face. Unfortunately, jokes are a little thin on the ground this week - nudge, nudge, Andra! - but just in time this arrived this morning from an old pal - but you do need to read it in a 'Glasgie' accent:
Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's
forthcoming wedding.
"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy, "Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods approvingly.
"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in
that. What's the tartan?...."
"Och," says Jimmy, "Ai'd imagine she'll be in white.”
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And this is a gentle joke as befits the Amish:
An Amish girl and her mother were visiting a mall for the first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The girl asked, “Mother, what is this?”
The mother, never having seen an elevator, responded, “I have never seen
anything like this in my life. I don’t know what it is.”
While the girl and her mother watched with amazement, an old man in a
wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the man rolled between them into a small room. The walls
closed and the girl and her mother watched the small numbers above the walls
light up sequentially. They continued to watch until the last number was
reached, and they watched some more as the numbers began to light in reverse
order.
The walls opened up again and a hunky young man stepped out.
The mother, not taking her eyes off the young man, said quietly to her
daughter, “Go get your father.”
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There, feeling better, are we? Oh, take that as a 'no', shall I?!